Wilbur

‘Perhaps this lot are a little too far to the right?’

‘No party has said a word about how they’re going to tackle the slug invasion.’

‘If he can survive this he really is bulletproof’

‘I like an older woman – you could get me fags’

‘These are the best days of our lives. Unless it’s just the antidepressants.’

‘In the long run, you’re definitely worse off.’

‘Don’t worry mother, I’m not interested in vaping. I’m a cigar man.’

‘You’re not taking the “search for phones” directive a bit far, sir?’

‘Bonus... bonus...’

‘I’ve been drafted!’

‘We could trawl the kingdom for the foot that fits this glass slipper... or we could view the sex tape.’

‘January is a lousy time to give up alcohol.’

‘It’s so hard going back to work after Christmas.’

‘They laughed and called you names? I’ll launch an inquiry into these bullying allegations.’

‘Santa’s a deepfake.’