Tim Bales

‘The best act by far was the presenter, Hannah Waddingham!’

‘I thought you’d appreciate a change from garage flowers.’

‘I wish our council had been as quick to fill it in.’

‘Coming here takes my mind off all the potholes in my road!’

‘They’ve axed our annual bonus.’

‘I don’t care what the Prime Minister says – he’s not touching our small boats.’

‘I’ve given up giving up things for Lent.’

‘You’ve only gone and invented air pollution.’

‘You know how nosy our neighbour is.’

‘Move over – you’re bed-blocking!’

‘We haven’t even been going out or doing anything.’

Dry sherry January

‘The blank pages in this Agatha Christie biography are intentional. They’re when she went missing.’

‘I’m Pavlov’s dog. Does the name ring a bell?’

‘These are for when the John Lewis ad comes on.’