Tim Bales

‘I’ve given up giving up things for Lent.’

‘You’ve only gone and invented air pollution.’

‘You know how nosy our neighbour is.’

‘Move over – you’re bed-blocking!’

‘We haven’t even been going out or doing anything.’

Dry sherry January

‘The blank pages in this Agatha Christie biography are intentional. They’re when she went missing.’

‘I’m Pavlov’s dog. Does the name ring a bell?’

‘These are for when the John Lewis ad comes on.’

‘Some business lunch! I took you to a restaurant.’

‘I just managed to fill it in time before the ban here kicked in.’

‘It’s all legal. I’m getting it piped over from Dorset.’

‘Isn’t it lovely to spend so much time together?’

‘You left it empty – homes are in short supply.’

‘We’ll burn up any extra calories when we do a runner.’