Tim Bales

‘Trying to find an NHS dentist is like pulling teeth – except worse.’

‘My new boyfriend has left me. Ironically, it was his get-up-and-go I fell for.’

‘My shoplifting was a disaster – this was the only thing untagged.’

‘Be honest, Miss – did you use AI to mark this essay of mine?’

‘The best act by far was the presenter, Hannah Waddingham!’

‘I thought you’d appreciate a change from garage flowers.’

‘I wish our council had been as quick to fill it in.’

‘Coming here takes my mind off all the potholes in my road!’

‘They’ve axed our annual bonus.’

‘I don’t care what the Prime Minister says – he’s not touching our small boats.’

‘I’ve given up giving up things for Lent.’

‘You’ve only gone and invented air pollution.’

‘You know how nosy our neighbour is.’