Tim Bales

‘I based it on Rachel Reeves, since she scares the hell out of me.’

‘One day, son, none of this family farm will be yours.’

‘It’s galling. Rachel Reeves discovers all these black holes and I’ve never found one.’

‘It’ll be the players next.’

‘We never say that at the W.I.’

‘Will the new Conservative leader ever arrive?’

‘I hope Rachel Reeves is feeling the heat, because we’re not!’

‘Hello, I’m a long-time listener, first-time caller.’

‘It wasn’t rioters. It was ruddy seagulls.’

‘I’m just limbering up before a six-hour marathon in front of the set.’

‘Everyone here backs it. Anything to prevent Labour covering this area with houses.’

‘Our postal votes have arrived.’

‘Young Conservatives will be exempt – being an endangered species.’

‘...and lots more harboured in the industry.’

‘Once we join the Garrick Club, we’ll start our campaign to get rid of all the men.’