Tim Bales

‘Fantastic news, sir – another prisoner has been released by mistake!’

I’d far rather be in Rio, on Copacabana Beach!’

‘These homemade biscuits – are they meant to be trick or treat?’

‘It’s an invoice from my parents and they’re charging more than the nursery.’

‘Oh no, not more flag-waving!’

‘They are fast becoming something akin to a crusade.’

‘That also rather sums up Labour’s immigration policy.’

‘It’s the only reduction our water company has ever offered us.’

‘It’ll be so big, it’ll be a country within a country – namely ours.’

‘With all the solar and wind farms, there are no scenic routes left.’

‘That’s what I have every time it’s your round.’

‘Their worst punishment would be having to share a cell.’

‘While Reform were making history, the Tories were becoming it.’

‘I love it here. Birmingham is the tops.’