Monday Is anyone paying attention out there? Where on earth did people get the idea that we would be offering tax cuts during our first term of office? We have been quite explicit that while we would like to see tax cuts — and indeed we’ve provided an exhaustive list of the tax cuts we
Oh dear. We lost the war of Obama buzzwords at the weekend. Now there’s an inquest to find out how Gordon managed to get compared to Barack before Dave. Monday Oh dear. We lost the war of Obama buzzwords at the weekend. Now there’s an inquest to find out how Gordon managed to get compared
Monday Thank goodness I keep a diary. I want to put on record here so that future generations of Lightwaters can see that it was my idea to have Our Leader encounter a great white ‘shark’ while surfing in South Africa! Moreover I picked out the blue, Malibu-cut Vilebrequins Dave was wearing while fleeing the
Monday Do I have to do everything around here? Silly Suzie from Dave’s office is too frightened to ask Lord A to move a load of packing boxes he’s left outside his office so she’s ordered me to do it. I’m to tell him he can’t leave them in the corridor any longer as everyone
Monday Dave says we are absolutely not withdrawing the whip from poor Mr Conway. If we do such a thing, where will it end? Which MP hasn’t at some point given their son a Saturday job answering the phones at the family home? Whose office is not stuffed full of family and friends, all working
Monday Am engaged on top secret mission — the accidental snapping by a tabloid photographer of Sam nipping out for late-night essentials on the mean streets of west London! We first planned for her to be caught buying fair-trade mozzarella in Partridges on Gloucester Road but Jed said this wasn’t gritty enough. So she’s going
Monday Got back to complete chaos after my winter spa break with mummy. Any de-stress and/or slimming benefit from seaweed and salt wraps entirely lost in first three minutes in this place. When I left, Labour was embroiled in sleaze. Now Gids — of all people! — is accidentally forgetting to declare donations because Commons
It’s that time of year again My Fellow Compassionates! So here they are, my New Year’s Resolutions for 2008! 1.) Go easy on the policy. I don’t know about you but I’m suffering a major hangover in this department. Not that I haven’t enjoyed being at the cutting edge. I was as surprised as anyone
JANUARY 2007 As we await the coming of the Force of Darkness, work begins on election posters featuring Gordon as Darth Vader. Tory coffers bulging in preparation for the fight, half a million raised in one evening at a party at Blenheim. Pol Roger champagne flowing and as much caviar as you can eat (for
Sunday Weekend duty totally ruined by silly Sayeeda’s trip to Sudan. Spent all day yesterday fielding calls for pre-trip interviews, but she couldn’t do any of them because she had an urgent appointment at Daniel Galvin for a cut and blow dry before she went to the airport. Dave and Mr Hague think it’s all
Monday Am worried and confused. Just back from Forward Planning Meeting and whole of Grid for next three months is choc-a-bloc with extremely scary stuff. Clampdowns on everything from malingering benefit claimants to selfish single mums. New catchphrases include: ‘Prison Works’, ‘On Your Bike!’ and ‘Women! Know your working limits!’ Nothing about the environment. Not
Monday Ugh. Have been in Tranquillity Room all day. Was meant to be briefing Mr Gove’s new policy of making all children geniuses by age of six but got migraine. Told Jed I would be lying in the dark thought-storming. Wondered a lot about how our proposal to end mixed-ability classes and bring in ‘setting’
Monday This Aitken business is all v confusing. Has led to heated debates about some extremely odd-sounding things that happened ten years ago. I thought Mr Blair invented ‘sleaze’! But it seems there were all sorts of shocking goings-on in the 1990s under poor Mr Major. Poppy knows all about them, of course, and thinks
Monday Whisked to Oxfordshire with Jed and Wonky Tom as part of Queen’s Speech preparation team! Spent whole day in outer inner sanctum!! Dave was in kitchen with his River Cottage apron on making slow-roast organic pork sandwiches when we arrived. If only people could see him like this, we would definitely win the next
Monday Dear me! How are we supposed to have a grown up argument about immigration when silly Lithuanian ambassadors can’t see the funny side of a little joke about one-legged dance troupes? If you ask me, people with names that look like the last line of the optician’s testing chart shouldn’t be allowed to start
Monday Great balls of justiciable fire! If one more person asks me to write a memo about ‘opt-outs’ I will explode. People are talking in fluent Alphabetti Spaghetti. It’s all ‘IGC mandates’ this, and ‘QMV’ that, as if anyone had the faintest clue what they were on about. And what are ‘justiciable rights’ anyway, when
Sunday Bonjour, mes amis! Am in Paris for Compassionate Conservative hen weekend! All the girls from the office are here giving Abby from Dave’s team a Right-Of-Centre-Yet-Modern send-off. Staying in what Poppy describes as a dump, but is actually a boho chic boutique hotel (I checked the brochure). We were going to stay at a
Monday What can I say?! Happiness and General Wellbeing levels through roof! Dave is the greatest! We’re definitely going to win in 2009!! But more importantly, I have been seconded on to the Brown Attack Unit! Am at centre of fevered preparations ahead of PMQs involving cut-throat political strategy. So far have come up with
Sunday Am shattered from lugging huge bag of policies around. Felt like asking Mr Gove what exactly he’d put in his blasted School Reforms, but just about controlled self. Plus, the poor girls working for Gids are having to cope with a Mulberry hold-all each of tax cuts so I suppose I shouldn’t complain. Anyway,
I’ve never been so happy! What a speech! What a leader!!! I’ve already started a Facebook group entitled: “Does anyone not want to vote for Dave?” When he whispered “I love you, babe” to Sam through the live mic, that we “accidentally” left on, it was just the best moment ever. It’s so exciting to
