Monday Look! There is no question of us doing a U-turn on our pledge to match Labour’s spending plans. You can’t do a U-turn if you were never going to go a particular way in the first place. Or if you went for a long drive that brought you exactly back to where you started,
Monday Everyone’s gone Palin crazy! Poppy, Jenny, Lucy and Ellie all came in with their hair teased into frightening up-dos this morning. I might have to go through Mummy’s wardrobe and see if she’s got any hairpieces left over from the Sixties. Must say, I find this Sarah woman deeply scary. I don’t mind that
Monday I wish people would stop sending in complaints about the cost of hotels in Birmingham. I am not the English Tourist Board! But as we’re on the subject, let’s be clear — the point of having conference there is not to save money, or have fun. It’s so we can get out to parts
Monday Hooray! It’s official — Dave is no longer the Heir to Blair, he’s the Heir to Thatcher!! This makes all our hard rebranding work worthwhile. As Nigel says, it’s a measure of how far we have come that we are now able to wage war on benefit cheats, binge drinkers and Russia. None of
Monday Copies of lads mags found lying around leaders’ office: 5 (v bad); pounds shed by Mr Pickles in name of Being The Change: 0 (v bad); inquiries about why we haven’t launched any green taxes yet: 67 (v v bad); pages read of Quick Guide To The Caucasus: one and a half (vg). So
Monday V nerve-wracking weekend. Thought I was going to get the sack for leaving the mike on during Dave’s meeting with Mr Obama. Wrote a long email of apology to Gary cc Nigel for accidentally forgetting to tell the ABC cameraman that it was pictures only, but Gary sent me a memo back, cc’d every-one,
Monday Everyone assuming I’ve been keeping up with Events during my horse holiday with Sesame but as I explained to Nigel I was in a very remote part of the Isle of Wight. Must say, it’s all a bit different from when I went away. Lots of American flags about the place and ‘Obama For
Monday Hats off to the Major government — it’s not easy managing sleaze. Putting out endless statements explaining why some MP or other isn’t on the take. The reasons are so complicated. Plus it takes ages to calm them down. They ring in on the Helpline practically hysterical. Had one this morning. ‘Have you any
Monday Dave opened the nine o’clock by paying tribute to a great former shadow home secretary whose place in history, and on the back benches, was now assured. ‘We will give him all the space he needs to fulfil his brave quest of being re-elected to his own constituency.’ Then we proceeded to Options For
Monday Fraught morning. Drew the short straw and had to take Mrs Spelperson her camomile tea but couldn’t find her. Looked everywhere. Under the desk, in the filing cabinet. Nowhere. So I couldn’t tick the chart confirming that she had been checked on and given light refreshments. I expect she’s climbed out of the window
Monday Another superb by-election victory party at HQ with lashings of Pol Roger! The vibe v much: ‘Humility and workmanlike determination to get on with the job of serving the British people.’ Jed made a fantastic speech about how jubilation should ring out throughout the land as Our Great Leader Dave basks in this his
Monday Shame it leaked out about our Two Plans. Still, now at least I can tell people why I’ve been so busy — working with the Plan B Team! This is the most important break-out group, because it’s focusing on what happens if We Win Big. The Plan A people have got a better title
Monday V scary moment at the 9.15. Everyone having boring discussion about various crises overseas, yours truly quietly making notes in corner — actually sketching a little plan for Sesame’s forthcoming dressage trials, am trying to learn a new routine involving extended canter, v exciting. Suddenly DD burst out shouting: ‘It’s about time we invaded
Monday Hooray! Britain is going Conservative crazy!! The sun is shining and all over the country people are waking up to the exciting new force in British politics!!! Actually, I haven’t really woken up. Am still hungover from the Boris victory party. Have champagne headache, cigar sore throat and strange blotches all over my left
Monday Dear me! Why does everyone take what we say so literally? When Dave declared that he wanted to end Punch and Judy Politics he was speaking metaphorically. He didn’t mean he was literally going to stop shouting abuse at Gordon. That would be silly. We need to hold the government to account. The British
Monday What on earth is wrong with the general public at the moment? Why, according to the so-called opinion polls, do more people like Alistair Darling than Gids? Have they gone mad? Gids is clever, dynamic and handsome, whereas Darling, as Daddy so rightly pointed out at breakfast this morning, looks like a bemused old
Monday Big panic. Some of our candidates in marginal seats have been ringing up asking why they can’t find any nice piccies of Dave standing next to a flag which they can use in their leaflets for St George’s Day. Jed says we’re to tell everyone that there are such pictures, they’ve just gone missing.
Monday Major pasta panic! Dispatched to Oxfordshire to help Sam find lasagne sheets for Dave’s Thinkers and Opinionators Supper this weekend which is in real danger of being cancelled for the first time in its history — due to food shortages! Isn’t this just the most damning indictment of Brown’s Britain? Emailed Jed a memo:
Monday Head buzzing from v important Economic Strategy meeting. Total reorganisation of our smoothie expenditure, with half the budget to be spent on bran muffins. Lot of discussion about whether we should issue staff with vouchers to spend on either smoothies, or muffins, as they see fit, but in the end decided that we couldn’t
Monday Everyone on a major poll high! Ginseng tea and bran muffins all round this morning and not much work done. In the end Jed had to call in Mr Maude to calm us all down. FM said 16 points ahead was ‘nothing to get excited about’ and showed us all sorts of graphs that