Steerpike

Sir Keir Starmer’s desperation to get down with the kids hit new lows in the run up to the local elections. The Prime Minister’s team genuinely think that the best way to bring the ‘real Keir’ to the youngsters is bypassing the lens of the evil right-wing media and heading straight to… TikTok! Given its links to Beijing, so much for being the party of Sinoscepticisim... The strategy certainly hasn’t come without risks. In January Labour issued a grovelling apology for posting a video on the party’s page featuring a song with, shall we say, controversial lyrics. The tune in question, ‘Montagem Coral’ by DJ Holanda, discusses giving young women drugs before sleeping with them, alongside the joys of beer and marijuana.

Happy polling day one and all. While the political parties knock up doors, the Financial Times has brought some merriment to Westminster by revealing plans for the forthcoming Kings's birthday honours' list. There are the usual City grandees including the bosses of Barclays, Citigroup and the London Stock Exchange Group (up the workers eh?) But Steerpike's eye was caught by the name of David Gauke, the onetime Tory Justice Secretary among the nominees. In days of yore, Gauke was a favourite of Conservative high command, often being wheeled out in parliament to answer tricky questions. 'Uncork the Gauke!' would be the cry in the Commons whenever the Member for South West Hertfordshire got to his feet. But now Gauke's name is more likely to be met by a barrage of Tory abuse.

With a day to go before voters head to the polls, Zack Polanski is determined to go out with a bang. Having already issued a quasi-apology to the police after criticising their handling of the Golders Green knife incident, the great Green boob whisperer decided the morning before local elections day would be the perfect moment for a sequel. Cue an appearance on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme, where Nick Robinson invited him to explain why his ire seemed directed less at the man with the blade and more at those trying to stop him. In a bid to appeal to both the Mothin Alis and Caroline Lucases of the world, Polanski responded: Two things can be true at the same time.

Zack Polanski is no stranger to reinventing himself. He’s been an actor, a hypnotherapist capable of enlarging breasts, a nightclub promoter, a mental health counsellor and even… a Lib Dem. Now the Times has uncovered another entry on the already well-stuffed Polanski CV. According to the Green leader, he once served dutifully as a spokesman for the British Red Cross. Only the Times also discovered that this was a complete fiction, the left-wing leader never actually held the role. Polanski made the claim on his site while running for Green deputy leader in 2022. But the British Red Cross last night confirmed Polanski ‘has not been a spokesperson’. Rather, he had been an on-stage host ‘for several fundraisers’.

Back in February, Steerpike's old friend Ed Miliband vowed to liberate Britain’s nuclear industry from the stranglehold of bureaucracy. Red Ed promised to take a sledgehammer to the ‘archaic rules’ holding back the construction of power stations across the land. He even admitted that Britain’s record on nuclear is diabolical on a global scale, with ours among the priciest places on earth to get a plant built. All very encouraging, Mr S thought. So, imagine his surprise to learn that, while the Department for Energy Security and Net Zero is supposedly busy striking matches for its great red-tape bonfire, it has found time to spend £12,000 of taxpayers’ money on… DEI support for the Office for Nuclear Regulation! Yes, really.

Many in SW1 have remarked that Kemi Badenoch has come on quite a bit since her early PMQs' appearances. The Tory leader can now land a blow on television and can address the Commons with the confidence and clarity she lacked in earlier days. Significant progress, then. But alas, yesterday brought a reminder that live radio remains a cruel mistress. Appearing on BBC Radio Sussex and Surrey yesterday, Badenoch was asked about the Conservatives’ record in local government. Were Tory councils, that once familiar spectacle across the Home Counties, doing a good job? Naturally, the party leader thought so. ‘We have excellent councils,’ she declared, before producing a list: ‘Guildford, Runnymede, Elmbridge, Epsom, Mole Valley.

Wakey wakey! Whoooo remembers the United Kingdom Independence Party? Steerpike has fond memories of Ukip, Nigel Farage's previous-but-one political vehicle which he then left to lead the Brexit Party back during the not-so-sunny days of Theresa May's government. Along the way, a fair few Kippers have followed Farage on his journey and now ended up in Reform. The likes of Paul Nuttall and Ed Sumner are now helping run the party, while Gawain Towler is on the board. But Steerpike's eye has been drawn to a little-noticed candidate who is pitching herself in Guildford. For, in the ward of Cranleigh and Ewhurst, a onetime political star has gone back to her roots in local government.

As a darling of the progressive commentariat, Gary Lineker is not usually one to let injustice pass unremarked. The former BBC star has become a tireless outrider for the Palestinian cause, devoting generous acreage on social media and in interviews to Gaza. On that subject, dear Gary has told us that ‘when I see some images on social media, I cry all the time’ and warned that ‘if you’re silent on these issues, you’re almost complicit’. Nor should one expect the podcast entrepreneur to fall silent on immigration. While raking in more than £1.3 million a year to host Match of the Day, in 2023 Lineker found time to train his moral artillery on Suella Braverman.

As local elections loom ever closer, Britain’s intrepid party leaders have taken to the road to pitch themselves far and wide. Set-piece visits are a chance to show the Westminster elite really are down with the people. So who, in the run-up to next week’s high-stakes poll, has gone all guns blazing in the battle for 7 May? Steerpike has the numbers and they show that since the start of March, Nigel Farage tops the tally of campaign visits at 59, covering stops from Swindon to South Tyneside and even the Shetland Islands. Not bad for 62... Kemi Badenoch takes silver, coming in on 41 including Pembroke and Aberdeen. Boob-busting hypnotist turned Green Party leader Zack Polanski meanwhile managed 15 visits, including the liberal trifecta of Brighton, Margate and Hackney.

After Robert Jenrick’s (not entirely) shocking defection to Reform in January, Westminster’s eyes swiftly turned towards one of the Tory party’s new bright young things: Katie Lam. Would the 34-year-old MP for Weald of Kent pack her bags and follow her political chum across the teal Rubicon? Lam, widely regarded as a rising star on the opposition benches, had been an indefatigable cheerleader for Jenrick during his failed run for the Tory leadership in 2024. But appearing on The Spectator’s podcast Quite right! today, Lam briskly swatted away any suggestion that she might be tempted to join Bobby J on his new adventure. Indeed, she disclosed that she has not spoken to him ‘even once’, neither in person nor via message, since his leap to the teal team.

It's a blockbuster day in parliament today. To kick things off, we had Philip Barton up pleading ignorance; to close the proceedings tonight we have a vote on a possible Privileges Committee probe. But in between we have Morgan McSweeney, the longtime bête noire of the Labour left, giving testimony on the appointment of Peter Mandelson as British Ambassador. McSweeney pushed hard for Mandy to be given the gig: a decision he now bitterly regrets... Much of McSweeney's session was spent putting as much distance between himself and Mandelson as possible, insisting that he did not speak to the Labour grandee regularly until 2021 by which time he was '44 years old'.

Whooooo remembers Sir Philip Barton? The lifelong diplomat spent an inglorious four and a half years in charge of the Foreign Office, most memorably taking 11 days to return from holiday, just as Kabul was falling to the Taliban. But having been pensioned off at the end of 2025, now old Phil is back in the spotlight. He was wheeled out before Emily Thornberry's committee today as the panel seek to shed light on just how Peter Mandelson's appointment as US ambassador actually happened. And Barton was in a mood to spill all his secrets... Keir Starmer's claim throughout this sorry saga has been that 'full due process' was followed throughout Mandelson's appointment. But Barton was at pains to point out to the committee that this very much was not the case.