Steerpike

The ability of Britain's quangos to sugarcoat their rather unflattering performance figures will never fail to amaze Mr S. The Driver and Vehicle Standards Authority (DVSA) is just the latest example. The organisation's chair and chief executive have both issued glowing reports of the company's 'progress' thus far, using an exciting range of buzzwords to distract from the fact that wait times for driving tests have risen to, er, a staggering 22 weeks. Talk about a car crash, eh? The average waiting time for a practical car driving test is 22 weeks across the UK, as of the end of May this year. The figures vary across the country – but not by much. In Wales, the wait is 19 weeks, while in Scotland learners are having to wait 21. England is worse still, with waits at 22.

Reform UK has dominated headlines this morning, as the party kick off their six-week campaign on crime. During a central London presser this morning, Nigel Farage told journalists that his party will halve crime in Britain if it gets into government – insisting that all foreign criminals will be deported and serial offenders would have life sentences imposed. Strong stuff, eh? But one right-winger in particular remains pretty unimpressed with the party's latest law and order policies. Rupert Lowe, formerly of the Reform parish before he was ousted earlier this year, has taken aim at Farage on Twitter – attacking his ex-party leader for their use of the police force over his suspension.

The big guns of parliament were out in force this morning. The annual cross-party Commons v Lords shooting match has long been a fixture in the annual political calendar. After last year’s contest was dominated by the shadow of the general election, this year was a much more relaxed affair. Peers and MPs descended on Ruislip to see which of the two Houses came out on top. And in the true spirit of the Parliament Act, it was the elected Commons who (narrowly) triumphed today… The final scores from an enjoyable morning of shooting proved to be 245 for the Commons versus 212 for the Lords. Captain Greg Smith, who stepped into the breach left by Bill Wiggin, received the silver cup, heroically rescued from the Bishops’ Bar in the House of Lords.

The 2024 election was something of a disaster for the Tories. Two in every three MPs departed the Commons last July, with many cut down while only in their thirties and forties. Consequently, a disproportionate number are keen to return to parliament next time. But, it seems that their hopes have been dashed, according to an email which has gone out this evening from the CCHQ candidates’ team to those who are on the list… It begins thus: ‘As a former Member of Parliament, the Party thanks you for all your hard work and public service during your time in Parliament.’ It goes on to detail the hoops necessary to jump through for a seat next time.

Well, well, well. It was only a fortnight ago that the government was forced to gut its own welfare reform in the face of a full-blown backbench rebellion, leaving Rachel Reeves with a £5bn black hole to cover up. And now, fresh from their self-inflicted bloody nose, the Department for Work and Pensions revealed on Tuesday that the number of people receiving Universal Credit has soared within Labour’s first year by, um, over a million. The DWP also acknowledged that over a million recipients are foreign nationals – in the first time the immigration status of benefit claimants has been published. 7.9 million people are currently on the dole. That’s a 16 per cent increase from the 6.8 million in the dying days of the last government, with the vast majority (6.

Immigration is never off the news agenda these days, as Brits remain concerned about the influx of people to the country while the cost of living crisis and housing pressures only seem to worsen. Last week Sir Keir Starmer sealed a ‘one in, one out’ migrant returns deal with France’s President Emmanuel Macron which some number-crunching suggested is a little more akin to an, er, 17 in, one out set-up. The Labour lot have other borders-related problems on their plates too, however, as an independent watchdog has warned that the cost of supporting asylum seekers is set to absorb a whooping one-fifth of the gutted aid budget. Crikey!

Oh dear. It seems that Layla Moran – the oracle of Oxfordshire – has been left with egg on her face once again. Since her election in 2017, the pansexual pioneer has distinguished herself in two ways. First, her consistent embrace of every passing progressive cause. And second, her determined commitment to oppose any new development in her constituency. No wonder Robert Jenrick has dubbed her 'the greatest Nimby in the House of Commons'... Whether it is new homes or solar panels, Moran is always there to block anything which might offer a boost to Britain's anaemic economy. One notable crusade was her 2022 attack on a new reservoir in Abingdon, to cope with consumers' increasing demands.

It is a century this year since the Iron Lady's birth – and conservatives are determined to mark it in style. Amid a whole host of dinners and seminars, the Margaret Thatcher Centre held a symposium on Monday to debate the legacy of the former Prime Minister. Among the likes of Lord Lilley, Sir Anthony Seldon and David Starkey was a writer from the New Statesman who duly filed a predictably snippy piece about the day. Quelle surprise... Yet it seems that the piece has backfired somewhat. For Donal Blaney, the conference organiser, has penned a letter in response.