Rod Liddle

My problem with condoms was always a very different confusion from that which apparently afflicts the Pope. It was simply that I felt sure they would be far too large, like putting a tea cosy on a soft-boiled egg. And so I never used them, to spare the embarrassment. Also, I was never entirely certain they quite fitted in with my romantic illusions about the sexual act, especially not the prophylactics you can buy from vending machines in pub toilets and are advertised as being ‘cheese ’n’ pineapple flavour’ — not really Keats, is it? I know plenty of men who feel likewise, too, and are apt to use any number of excuses when, so to speak, push comes to shove.

Did the government pay money for the release of the poor Chandlers, that elderly couple who decided to do a spot of yachting off the coast of Somalia? Indirectly, without question. What passes for a government over there, the Somali Federal Republic, has confirmed that some of the £30m aid we bunged the country recently had been passed on to Mr and Mrs Chandler’s kidnappers, in the form of a ransom payment. I suppose they thought they were helping matters by making this admission, and that we’d be pleased that some of the money we give them actually produces tangible results for two British people.

Of course China is not the only country in the world to which we apply duplicitous standards when it comes to human rights. Saudi Arabia springs to mind, for example. And then there is Pakistan. Yesterday in Lahore a 45 year old Christian mother of five was sentenced to death for the supposed crime of “blasphemy”. It is alleged that Asia Bibi said rude things about the prophet Mohammed, something she fervently denies. Christians are routinely vilified, persecuted and beaten up in the country and while the major Pakistani political parties sometimes offer measured condemnations of such behaviour the perpetrators are almost never brought to justice.

Has Harman not fallen foul of her own legislation, the Equality Act 2010 which this government cravenly enacted almost in full? She has disparaged a colleague on account of his appearance and parentage. This certainly contravenes the section of her fabulously fatuous legislation which outlaws discrimination against colleagues through “association or perception”. Danny Alexander is a colleague even if he is also an opponent. Charge her. Sue her. In The Guardian today Jackie Ashley wonders why it is not ok for Hattie to make a joke about ginger people but perfectly fine for everybody else. She gropes towards the position that it might be because Harman is perceived as being “pious”, but adds that she can be “salty” in real life.

Should northerners, with their interminable pies and poverty, be allowed on to the BBC political discussion programme, Question Time? The corporation is being accused of “bias” because last week’s show came from Middlesbrough, a town with high unemployment and a large proportion of public sector jobs due for the axe. The Transport Minister, Philip Hammond, was reportedly “shocked” at the level of hostility towards the government’s programme of cuts. This is either a staggering lack of political awareness or a geographical misapprehension – Philip may have thought that Middlesbrough was somewhere on the South Downs and full of BMWs and Labradors, with a nice pub in the centre where you can get a lovely roast on a Sunday.