Paul Wood

‘What’s up buddy? Doesn’t anyone care about you any more?’

‘Completely self-made — he sells lateral flow tests on eBay.’

‘Don’t you think you’d find it a bit easier if you took the mask off?’

‘I hear they’re very middle-of-the-road.’

‘Of course I care about the environment, but in a Leonardo DiCaprio way’

‘I just asked Alexa to stop stealing my data...’

‘I’d like you to meet my other half Brian. Brian’s a doctor.’

‘What do you mean panic buying? There’s a sale on!’

‘Damn! I forgot to plug the car in again!’

‘I can remember exactly what I was doing this time last year.’

‘Fee-fi-fo-fum, I no longer smell the blood of an Englishman.’

‘What do I miss most in lockdown? Going to an art gallery.’

‘So, this lockdown — what’s it like?’

‘Look Joolz, a new coffee shop.’

‘Oh no, it’s the tinfoil hat man!’

‘I know you work from home now, Edward, but do you still have to do dress-down Friday?’