Paul Wood

‘Chickenpox was last week. This is the monkeypox party.’

‘Go home Picasso. You’ve had enough.’

‘S’funny, it sounds like a turtle suffocating on plastic.’

‘But I’m not working from home. I’m working from my second home.’

‘Do you think Starmer will ever identify as the opposition?’

‘What’s up buddy? Doesn’t anyone care about you any more?’

‘Completely self-made — he sells lateral flow tests on eBay.’

‘Don’t you think you’d find it a bit easier if you took the mask off?’

‘I hear they’re very middle-of-the-road.’

‘Of course I care about the environment, but in a Leonardo DiCaprio way’

‘I just asked Alexa to stop stealing my data...’

‘I’d like you to meet my other half Brian. Brian’s a doctor.’

‘What do you mean panic buying? There’s a sale on!’

‘Damn! I forgot to plug the car in again!’

‘I can remember exactly what I was doing this time last year.’