How racist can I be for a grand?
‘How racist can I be for a grand?’
Nick Newman
Wednesday
Thursday
I hope you’re not using ChatGPT to write my essay!
‘Dad, I hope you’re not using ChatGPT to write my essay!’
I fear nit zero is an unrealistic target
‘I fear nit zero is an unrealistic target.’
Wednesday
Are they on strike?
‘Is this the interval or are they on strike?’
Wednesday
Relax – it isn’t ultra processed
‘Relax – it isn’t ultra processed.’
Wednesday
After all they’ve been through
‘After all they’ve been through, you have to admire the resilience of the British people.’
Wednesday
All present
‘All present and politically correct, Sah!’
Wednesday
Asylum seekers convert shock
‘So what’s new? People become Christians to avoid going somewhere unpleasant.’
Wednesday
Four years on from leaving Europe
‘Four years on from leaving Europe, how’s it going?’
You’re good
‘You’re good but you’re no Nicola Sturgeon.’
Wednesday
I’m sorry, Spoon
‘I’m sorry, Spoon, but I think it’s safer to run off with a knife.’
Wednesday
Never actually seen one
‘I believe NHS dentists exist though I’ve never actually seen one.’
If you put a shell to your ear you can hear the Red Sea
‘If you put a shell to your ear you can hear the Red Sea.’
Wednesday
World war 3
‘At least a thermonuclear bomb should warm things up a bit.’
Wednesday
I can’t find enough men for a press gang
‘Due to manpower shortages, I can’t find enough men for a press gang.’
Wednesday
Red Sea
‘This is the Red Sea – I’m not taking chances.’
Monday
UHU
‘All I want for Christmas is UHU.’
Sunday
See the real world
‘If you think this is dismal you should see the real world.’
Wednesday
It’s a gift
‘It’s a gift from the Greek Prime Minister.’
Wednesday
Over 60
‘This sort of thing happens when you’re over 60’
