Nick Newman

‘Will there ever be peace between David and Brooklyn Beckham?’

‘Don’t shoot till you see the whites of their flags.’

‘No sugar – it’s safer to eat the plastic toy!’

‘What’s harder to swallow – tariffs or chlorinated chicken?’

‘How would you like your steak cooked – rare, medium or Tesla?’

‘I wouldn’t want to be Tesla’s head of sales’

‘I’m off to America where they don’t mind if you’re a dangerous misogynist.’

‘Unfortunately we can’t afford a gun to go with it.’

‘I refuse to turn water into non-alcoholic wine.’

‘But what if you turn into a useful idiot?’

‘Panic over – he had gone to see The Brutalist.’

‘You’ve been cleared for takeoff.’

‘Death, War – meet Artificial Intelligence.’