Oh no – I got hideously drunk
‘Oh no – I got hideously drunk and posted something moderate and inoffensive!’
Nick Newman
Wednesday
It’s mankind’s worst fear
‘It’s mankind’s worst fear – a Liz Truss book launch!’
Rodin
Wednesday
Actual royal residence
‘I never thought I’d catch a glimpse of an actual royal residence.’
Wednesday
Call me a wolf and I’ll have you arrested!
‘Call me a wolf and I’ll have you arrested!’
Chinese fridge
‘I can see the neighbours being spied on by their Chinese fridge.’
You can tell it’s fresh
‘You can tell it’s fresh – you can smell the sewage.’
Tuesday
I’ll stick with social media
‘You go down the rabbit hole – I’ll stick with social media.’
I assume they didn’t need an intimacy co-ordinator
‘I assume they didn’t need an intimacy co-ordinator.’
Wednesday
How racist can I be for a grand?
‘How racist can I be for a grand?’
Thursday
I hope you’re not using ChatGPT to write my essay!
‘Dad, I hope you’re not using ChatGPT to write my essay!’
I fear nit zero is an unrealistic target
‘I fear nit zero is an unrealistic target.’
Wednesday
Are they on strike?
‘Is this the interval or are they on strike?’
Wednesday
Relax – it isn’t ultra processed
‘Relax – it isn’t ultra processed.’
Wednesday
After all they’ve been through
‘After all they’ve been through, you have to admire the resilience of the British people.’
Wednesday
All present
‘All present and politically correct, Sah!’
Wednesday
Asylum seekers convert shock
‘So what’s new? People become Christians to avoid going somewhere unpleasant.’
Wednesday
Four years on from leaving Europe
‘Four years on from leaving Europe, how’s it going?’
You’re good
‘You’re good but you’re no Nicola Sturgeon.’
Wednesday
I’m sorry, Spoon
‘I’m sorry, Spoon, but I think it’s safer to run off with a knife.’
