Break glass
Nick Newman
Wednesday
The Messiah has a Farage complex!
‘Oh no – the Messiah has a Farage complex!’
Wednesday
Head of sales
‘I wouldn’t want to be Tesla’s head of sales’
Heigh-ho
‘Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to woke we go.’
Wednesday
Dangerous mysogynist
‘I’m off to America where they don’t mind if you’re a dangerous misogynist.’
Wednesday
We can’t afford a gun to go with it
‘Unfortunately we can’t afford a gun to go with it.’
Wednesday
I refuse to turn water into non-alcoholic wine
‘I refuse to turn water into non-alcoholic wine.’
Welcome to assisted dying
‘Welcome to assisted dying – or to give it its correct title, the NHS.’
Wednesday
Useful idiot
‘But what if you turn into a useful idiot?’
Wednesday
He had gone to see The Brutalist
‘Panic over – he had gone to see The Brutalist.’
Wednesday
You’ve been cleared for takeoff
‘You’ve been cleared for takeoff.’
Wednesday
Meet Artificial Intelligence
‘Death, War – meet Artificial Intelligence.’
Gerry Adams getting compensation
‘When my husband heard about Gerry Adams getting compensation, he exploded.’
Convicted felon
‘Are we keeping the public out or the convicted felon in?’
Wednesday
It’s so cold and bleak
‘It’s so cold and bleak, Donald Trump may want to buy us.’
Wednesday
Who DOES God think he is?
‘Who DOES God think he is? Elon Musk?’
Monday
173% accurate
‘Our numbers are 173% accurate!’
Monday
Tell yonder peasant
‘Tell yonder peasant that the winter fuel allowance is cancelled.’
May I remind the audience
‘May I remind the audience to turn mobile phones on.’
Wednesday
A few inappropriate remarks and it was back to waiting tables
‘A few inappropriate remarks and it was back to waiting tables.’
