I refuse to turn water into non-alcoholic wine
‘I refuse to turn water into non-alcoholic wine.’
Nick Newman
Wednesday
Welcome to assisted dying
‘Welcome to assisted dying – or to give it its correct title, the NHS.’
Wednesday
Useful idiot
‘But what if you turn into a useful idiot?’
Wednesday
He had gone to see The Brutalist
‘Panic over – he had gone to see The Brutalist.’
Wednesday
You’ve been cleared for takeoff
‘You’ve been cleared for takeoff.’
Wednesday
Meet Artificial Intelligence
‘Death, War – meet Artificial Intelligence.’
Gerry Adams getting compensation
‘When my husband heard about Gerry Adams getting compensation, he exploded.’
Convicted felon
‘Are we keeping the public out or the convicted felon in?’
Wednesday
It’s so cold and bleak
‘It’s so cold and bleak, Donald Trump may want to buy us.’
Wednesday
Who DOES God think he is?
‘Who DOES God think he is? Elon Musk?’
Monday
173% accurate
‘Our numbers are 173% accurate!’
Monday
Tell yonder peasant
‘Tell yonder peasant that the winter fuel allowance is cancelled.’
May I remind the audience
‘May I remind the audience to turn mobile phones on.’
Wednesday
A few inappropriate remarks and it was back to waiting tables
‘A few inappropriate remarks and it was back to waiting tables.’
Wednesday
We need you to be Archbishop of Canterbury
‘We need you to be Archbishop of Canterbury.’
Wednesday
It’s a shot in the arm for anti-vaxxers
‘It’s a shot in the arm for anti-vaxxers.’
You’ve got what it takes
‘You’ve got what it takes to be the Archbishop of Canterbury!’
Wednesday
All new Tesla
‘There are no brakes and it’s back-seat drive.’
Oh no!
‘Oh no! Sequels are always worse than the original!’
Wednesday
Thanks to inheritance tax
‘Thanks to inheritance tax, it’s more of a “won’t”.’
