Matthew Lynn

There will be chaos at the ports. Only the occasional root vegetable will be sold in the supermarkets. The factories and farms will run out of workers, and the planes will all be grounded on the runway. We have yet to get an official warning about how the black death will ravage the land, or

Parliament is deadlocked. The cabinet is split down the middle and Brussels won’t compromise on the deal it has already offered to the Prime Minister. As the clock ticks steadily towards March 29th, there seems little way out of the impasse surrounding our tortured exit from the European Union. No one can agree on how

The ports will be clogged up with lorries. The shelves at Tesco will be empty. Doctors will be rationing antibiotics, and the army will be called out to deliver food. As we approach the deadline for our departure from the European Union, as the Prime Minister returns empty handed yet again from yet another catastrophic

There have probably been worse branding campaigns in history. Cadbury’s apparent attempt to drop the word ‘Easter’ from its egg hunts was a clunker of cosmic proportions. The launch of New Coke has found its way into the textbooks as a masterclass in how to trash one of the greatest brands in the world, and

The headlines will inevitably write themselves. The Bank of England backs Theresa May. The Prime Minister’s beleaguered and precarious deal is the best of all the options available and the economy may well get through the next few months largely unscathed. Following the testimony this morning from the Bank’s governor Mark Carney, most people will

Collapsing retailers. A looming far-left government threatening nationalisation. And perhaps most significantly of all, our potentially chaotic rupture with our largest, closest and most significant trade partner. It doesn’t seem to matter what you throw at it, the British economy continues to be surprisingly resilient. Figures out today showed it expanded at 0.6 per cent

The growth forecasts might be too optimistic. The economy may yet turn down, the pressure on public services will only continue to rise, and, most of all, leaving the European Union may yet turn into a catastrophe. The Institute for Fiscal Studies did not waste much time in branding yesterday’s Budget ‘a bit of a

A new interior minister. A new agriculture and culture minister. There wasn’t, despite some speculation, a new prime minister, but there will be lots of new fresh faces around the cabinet table. France’s dynamic young president Emmanuel Macron has finally re-launched his government after a wave of resignations in a bid to kick-start phase two

Free university for students. Free shares in your company. And now plenty of free time, with one day less in the office or the factory every week. The shadow chancellor John McDonnell hasn’t quite gotten around to promising free Krispy Kreme doughnuts in every shopping mall, abolishing fees for Sky Sports, or handing out Uber

Schools will finally get a bit more money. Nurses and policemen may at last get a proper pay rise. Local councils can stop scratching around to see if there are any services left they can still cut and the Chancellor may even be able to lighten up budget day with a minor tax cut or

A couple of years ago, I was driving from Athens airport to the Peloponnese along the sparkling new highway that connects the two. I had never driven in Greece before, and was slightly nervous of how the Greeks might be on the road. As it turned out, there was nothing to worry about. Not only

The Gherkin would be re-zoned as social housing. The Walkie Talkie would be turned into a massive TK Maxx with a couple of fried chicken shacks at ground level. Canary Wharf would be paved over and turned into a giant trampoline park, while houses in the better parts of Chelsea and Notting Hill would fall

Both the Brexit and and Foreign Secretaries have resigned. The Chequers agreement, if that is the right word, looks about as enduring as the latest relationship on Love Island. The Prime Minister is staggering so uncertainly from one option to another that even Donald Trump’s advice over the weekend seemed almost sane. The UK’s strategy

Airbus will abandon the UK. The car factories will all be closed down. Trade will grind to a halt, we will run out of food and medicines, and Harry Kane will be sold to Real Madrid and made captain of Spain instead of England. Okay, I made that last one up, but all the others