Matt Percival

‘You look nothing like your profile photo.’

‘I’m spending Christmas alone this year.’

‘Would you like to make a salary sacrifice?’

‘I want to confirm delivery.’

‘I thought I’d begin by setting out my economic challenges.’

‘The light is more flattering.’

‘If it wasn’t for Ozempic, I’d still be a fat cat.’

‘You will be a good boy.’

‘It’s supposed to be fun.’

‘Today we’ll be learning Python.’

‘It doesn’t comply with building regs.’

‘It started on social media.’

‘Nine or ten exclamation marks?’

‘It was expensive but worth it.’

‘You could have picked a more interesting specimen.’

‘And “Cut”.’