Dear Mary Q. In recent weeks I have been the recipient of an unusually large postbag of personal letters. In order to open these with speed and efficiency, and without inflicting repetitive strain injury on thumb and forefinger, I have been forced to employ a paper-knife. The sad upshot of this has been that many
Dear Mary Q. Here’s a solution to noisy New Zealand neighbours having barbies in the garden late at night. The last time ours had one my husband went over and told them the noise was absolutely fine by us, but there was a lunatic on crack in the assisted housing flats next to them. Said
Dear Mary… Q. My son attends a school where all the parents, apart from his own, appear to be either Yummy Mummies or Superdads as well as multimillionaires. Since most of these mothers don’t work, they are all very competitive with each other, and the key competition of the year is coming up in the
Dear Mary…. Q. A friend who invited me to stay for a few days in France has told me I can get a lift in the plane of one of the other guests. I am a nervous flyer at the best of times and particularly nervous at the thought that the plane-owner, whom I do
Dear Mary… Q. My parents, sister and in-laws are all devout Roman Catholics. I myself was raised a Catholic but have been an atheist for over 20 years, a fact of which all my family are aware. Naturally our family life involves attending numerous RC church services (weddings, baptisms, funerals). Joining in with the religious
Dear Mary… Q. As a child I largely complied with my parents’ wishes and there was no question of baiting them ad infinitum as my own children do me. In my day there was still the fear of smacking but, needless to say, my own children, a boy aged nine and a girl aged seven,
Dear Mary… Q. I recently went business-class, for the first time in my life, to New Zealand and back. On the second lap of the long return journey, from LA to London, I returned to my correct seat, one of two near a window, to find a couple in their sixties standing there. They said
Dear Mary Q. My dilemma is about male wedding rings. I (born 1927) was brought up to believe they were ‘non-U’, and now I see all sorts of males wearing them. I have to know whether I am right or wrong before I die! I am beginning to wonder whether this is a ‘politically correct’
Dear Mary… Several friends living overseas have indicated that they will be coming to England this summer and that they would like to pay us a visit. However, since seeing them last, these friends have produced a number of infants and they seem to labour under the delusion that I am more interested in seeing
Dear Mary Q. Despite the fact that I have been attending parties for many years, I have not yet mastered the art of laughing at jokes that I do not find remotely funny. Can you think of any solutions? Name and address withheld A. It is well known in humorist circles that many of those
Q. My wife and I recently attended a wedding after which we sat down to a formal dinner. It was all going very well until the best man’s speech. This particular chap — a barrister, who should have known better — proceeded to bore for England with an utterly tedious and humourless waffle that lasted
Q. When my husband is behaving badly I sometimes think I would like to know exactly how much I might receive in a divorce settlement, just so I could have an unnerving little smile playing about my lips, safe in the knowledge of what I am ‘worth’. How can I get this information without actually
Dear Mary… Q. I find that I can’t remember somebody’s name for longer than 30 seconds after I have been introduced to them. It is worse at a party where I recognise people’s faces and suspect I know them well, but cannot remember who they are. Recently, at a fashion party, there was a typical
Dear Mary… Q. I have three bolshie children and at this time of year I like to start writing dates in the diary for the summer holidays, since I know that without a carefully pre-arranged schedule the children will start making inconvenient arrangements of their own. However, my problem is that for the last two
Dear Mary… Q. When one is present at a dinner party where a politician is a fellow guest, I have noticed a tendency for the politician to hold forth with a monologue which brooks no interruption or response from would-be interlocutors. There is nothing party political about this — it seems to happen across the
Dear Mary… Q. What would be a fitting response to the extremely patronising remark ‘My goodness, you’ve got him well trained!’ This whenever my husband serves, clears (and has often prepared) a dinner party. Such behaviour is still obviously unacceptable to the majority of guests, even in these enlightened times, and among forty-somethings. I am
Dear Mary… Q. I was brought up always to write thank-you letters for gifts [sic]. In recent years I have found that I am usually far too busy, especially as I would have to write them on behalf of my young children (who receive far too many presents anyway) and also my husband. Is it
Dear Mary… Q. My wife and I have been invited to the 50th birthday party of a not particularly close friend. The party is to be held in a local sports centre, although we have been asked to wear black tie and evening dress. Enclosed with the invitation is a note requesting that we bring
Dear Mary Q. I believe I have fallen in love with another member of the VWH hunt. Whenever I go up to him on my horse, he has been friendly but since he hacks home I have only ever seen him mounted and with his riding hat on. I therefore have no idea what he
Dear Mary… Q. As the author of a number of bestselling books, I am naturally thankful for this success, but one consequence is a deluge of requests to sit on committees, judge awards, champion the voiceless, network for the jobless, and so on. It sounds curmudgeonly and pompous, but the truth is that I now