Mary Killen

Mary Killen

The unwritten rules of visitors books

Two things come to mind when I think about visitors books. The first is the memory of leaving the home of a low-profile and secretive single man whose company is widely craved. I had been revelling in a sense of self-importance as I had good reason to suspect that the previous occupant of my guest

Dear Mary: Can I regift an unwanted tin of sweets?

Q. A kind villager gave us a jolly circular tin of sweets for Christmas. We are both overweight and would normally have no compunction in simply re-gifting such a present, but unfortunately the ingredients listed are almost exclusively ultra-processed. I therefore feel that any potential recipients might be insulted by our giving it to them

Dear Mary: How can I avoid a lunge on a date? 

Q. I have been working in London as a receptionist in a private members’ club and consequently have had the opportunity to meet and chat to a number of single men – always while sitting safely behind my desk. Now I have left the job, one of these members has started direct messaging me and

Dear Mary: How can I say no to charities I don’t want to support?

Q. My wife worked in the picture department of a very reputable auction house but has now taken to retirement with great enthusiasm. However, friends are constantly contacting her for free advice, valuations etc. They usually start with: ‘I know you’ve retired, but this won’t take you very long…’ She finds this irritating, yet doesn’t

Dear Mary: how can I stop guests waking too early?

Q. I meet a very old and dear friend for lunch on a regular basis. We meet at a lovely family-run Italian restaurant in Charlotte Place in Fitzrovia because it is exactly halfway between where we both live. Over the years it has become rather beyond our means but we don’t like to break with

Israel’s revenge, farewell Fraser & the demise of invitations

37 min listen

This week: Israel’s revenge and Iran’s humiliation. As the anniversary of the October 7th attacks by Hamas approaches, the crisis in the Middle East has only widened. Israel has sent troops into southern Lebanon and there have been attempted missile strikes from the Houthi rebels in Yemen and from Iran. Is there any way the situation

Dear Mary: How can I handle boredom during a play?

Q. I am at a dinner and the man on my right won’t turn and I am staring ahead feeling ultra self-conscious and victimy. The table is too wide for the people opposite to help out. What to do? – L.P., London W11 A. Twenty years ago the answer to this question would have been: ‘Place

Dear Mary: How do I get the treadmill hogs to move?

Q. I made a number of friends with other mothers when my sons were at school, and we have carried on meeting up for regular lunches. I can’t afford these now, as even ‘cheap’ restaurants seem to cost £35, but I can’t entertain at home for various reasons. What do you suggest? – A.T., London

Dear Mary: How do I shake off charity collectors?

Q. A friend, who I love dearly and who comes to stay a lot, has always been unforthcoming with gifts. I personally don’t resent this. I know his problem is not meanness but a neurosis about spending. He more than makes up for it by being wonderfully entertaining and sympathetic company. Another woman, having seen

Dear Mary: How do I avoid my neighbours on holiday?

Q. We have some neighbours who we don’t mind at all – they are perfectly nice, just not part of our friendship group. We have heard they are heading to Majorca, to the same town where we have a holiday home, and will be there at the same time as us. We are now dreading