Mark Wood

‘Thank God, that’s the Christmas shopping finished.’

‘The uncontrolled numbers coming in does concern me.’

‘Do you have any “Sorry I misgendered you” cards?’

‘It’s solar powered.’

‘We pretend we’re robot vacuum cleaners and then we take over the world.’

‘That’s not the robot vacuum cleaner, it’s the robot lawnmower.’

‘I’m hoping someone will steal my phone, so my parents buy me a new one.’

‘He’s planning to let his treehouse out on Airbnb.’

‘No, Tom, you didn’t win. The race just happened to finish when you were at the front.’

‘I know all children follow social media influencers, but Robert Jenrick?’

‘We’re spending the day with my Dad – he gets lonely on his own.’