Spectator literary competition No. 2822 This week’s challenge is to submit an extract from a scene from a contemporary soap opera (TV or radio) as Shakespeare might have written it. Please email entries, of up to 16 lines, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 30 October. Here are the results of this week’s challenge, in which competitors were
In Competition 2819 you were invited to write a poem either in free verse mocking rhymed, metrical verse or in conventional verse mocking free verse. Auden was no fan of vers libre: ‘If one plays a game, one needs rules, otherwise there is no fun.’ (D.H. Lawrence, he felt, was one of the few
Spectator literary competition No. 2821 Following in the footsteps of Virgil This week, in a challenge inspired by Virgil’s Georgics, you are invited to supply a poem that provides instruction or useful information. The Georgics, a didactic poem that spans four books, is part agricultural manual, part political poem. Although it was published way back
In Competition 2818 you were asked to merge two literary classics and provide a synopsis of the new title. You obviously had great fun with this one. Frank Osen came up with Pollyanna Karenina: ‘A girl from New England is so relentlessly upbeat about her affair with a Russian aristocrat that he throws himself under
Spectator literary competition No. 2820 Barbara Hardy’s Dorothea’s Daughter and Other Nineteenth Century Postscripts is a collection of short stories in which Professor Hardy imagines significant conversations between characters some time after their novel has ended. These postscripts enter into dialogue with the original narratives by developing suggestions in the text rather than changing the
In Competition 2817 you were asked to provide a poem, in the manner of Harry Graham’s Perverted Proverbs, questioning the wisdom of a popular proverb. Graham was an immensely gifted lyricist and poet. In 1903, in the guise of one Col. D. Streamer, he published Perverted Proverbs: A Manual of Immorals for the Many, in
This week we’ve got Ted Hughes in the red corner and Philip Larkin in the blue. Whose side would you be on? You are invited to write a poem either in free verse mocking rhymed, metrical verse or in conventional verse mocking free verse. Please email entries, of up to 16 lines, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday
In Competition 2816 you were invited to submit a short story with an ingenious twist at the end. I was inspired to set this challenge after coming across O. Henry’s ‘The Gift of the Magi’ and then rereading Maupassant’s quietly devastating ‘The Necklace’. The moral of Bill Greenwell’s tale — dishonesty pays — struck me
This year saw the largest-ever merger between two publishing houses when Penguin and Random House joined forces in an attempt to compete with the might of Amazon. You are invited to effect a literary merger of a different kind by blending two existing well-known books and providing a synopsis of the new title. Thanks to
In Competition 2815 you were invited to contribute to the booming genre of self-help by proposing a new title guaranteed to storm the bestseller lists and providing a blurb for it. There was lots of good stuff, though some promising ideas failed to deliver in the execution. I was intrigued by Josh Ekroy’s invitation to
This week you are invited to provide a poem, in the manner of Harry Graham’s Perverted Proverbs, questioning the wisdom of a popular proverb. Perverted Proverbs, A Manual of Immorals for the Many was published in 1903 under the pseudonym Col. D Streamer. In it, Graham, who is probably best known for his Ruthless Rhymes
In Competition 2814 you were invited to describe how a great writer stumbled upon an idea that he or she later put to good use. Thanks to Messrs Allgar and Moore, Brians both, for suggesting that I challenge competitors to imagine the unlikely circumstances in which the seeds of great literary works were sown. I
This week we are in Roald Dahl territory. You are invited to submit a short story of up to 150 words with an ingenious twist at the end. Please email entries, marked Competition 2816, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 18 September. Here are the results of the latest competition, in which competitors were invited to
In Competition 2813 you were invited to submit an application in verse, from the poet of your choice, for the position of poet laureate. There were robust bids from poets who were passed over for the laureateship on account of their questionable politics — Pope, for example, and Milton — as well as from those
In Competition No. 2812 you were invited to provide a poem celebrating bookshops. Space is tight, which leaves room only for a congratulatory slap on the back all-round but especially to unlucky losers Max Ross, who submitted a clever acrostic, Gerard Benson, James Leslie-Melville, Lydia Shaxberd, Alison Zucker and Annette Field. The prizewinners below earn
In Competition No. 2761 you were invited to provide an example of critics debating a trivial point in an absurd way. This challenge was inspired by the parody, at the end of N.F. Simpson’s A Resounding Tinkle, of critics solemnly discussing whether the play they have just seen is a ‘hotchpotch’ or a ‘gallimaufry’. I
Martha Wainwright was keeping it in the family at the Union Chapel in Islington last week. Arcangelo, the singer-songwriter’s three-year-old son, joined her on stage and had the audience eating out of the palm of his tiny hand; the spectral presence of her mother, the folk legend Kate McGarrigle, was never far away; and the
In Competition 2811 you were invited to take an existing word and alter it by a) adding a letter; b) changing a letter; and c) deleting a letter; and to supply definitions for all three new words. First of all, apologies for any unintentional ambiguity in the brief. Most of you got it but
If poets hoping to be Laureate had been required to apply in verse for the position we would now have an interesting archive of poems. You are invited to provide examples of the poetic pitches that might have been made since the role was created in 1668. How about John Milton or Alexander Pope, deliberately
In Competition 2810 you were invited to write a light-hearted poem about a serious subject. I suggested you take a look at J.B.S. Haldane’s comic poem ‘Cancer is a funny thing’ to get an idea of what I was after. Another source of inspiration might have been my predecessor Jaspistos, the poet James Michie, who