Lloyd Evans

Lloyd Evans

Lloyd Evans is The Spectator's sketch-writer and theatre critic

The Brexiteer’s guide to Christmas – avoiding arguments and other tips

From our UK edition

The best way to avoid Brexit bust-ups is to pretend that Remain folk are right about virtually everything. This may not be easy. A relative arguing for a second referendum will probably say, ‘in a democracy people can change their minds.’ To which the obvious reply is, ‘So change your mind and accept the verdict of 17.4 million Leavers.’ But it’s wiser to nod and ask mildly, ‘Which part of the Brussels charm-offensive has persuaded the largest number of Brexiteers to recant so far?’ Or you may hear someone claiming that the EU’s world-class diplomatic service has guaranteed peace in Europe and beyond for many decades. It’s best to concede the general point while flagging up the odd exception.

A great day for the hecklers at PMQs

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Hecklers had a great day at PMQs. Mike Amesbury opened proceedings by wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. ‘Very generous,’ said a female cynic. The Speaker joined in the barracking and nuisance-mongering. Several times he halted MPs and ruined their flow in order to scold the house for noisiness. He even interrupted his own interruptions by honking ‘Order!’ at himself in mid-sentence. The prime minister sent Christmas greetings to all MPs and parliamentary staff. Jeremy Corbyn went one better by offering his best to those who have to work at Christmas. Which implies that he doesn’t. Marvellous news. The image of the great socialist sitting mute and idle in his Islington home is an early Christmas present for everyone.

Brothers grim | 13 December 2018

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Sam Shepard was perhaps the gloomiest playwright ever to spill his guts into a typewriter. The popularity of his work must owe itself to some deep grudge nursed by America’s elite against the redneck states. True West is a standard Shepard ordeal: a pair of damaged, inadequate, bitter, loveless white males are cudgelling each other to pieces in a dingy Californian hellhole. For good measure he adds a dollop of bad plotting and improbable detail. We meet two thick angry brothers, Austin and Lee, living together in the house of their absent mom. Austin is busy writing a screenplay and Lee wants to borrow Austin’s car to go on a burglary spree. Austin hands over the keys because he needs a bit of privacy for a meeting with a film producer in the kitchen. Come off it.

Corbyn plays into May’s hands at PMQs

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Bad 24 hours for Mrs May. A last-minute Christmas shopping-trip to Europe yielded no bargains whatever, even though she had £39bn to splurge on an extension to her premiership. Back home she found a conspiracy of seditious Tories baying for her resignation. The Queen of Narnia is a masochist. She finds punishment stimulating, and perhaps slightly addictive, so she showed up at PMQs looking calm and expectant. Her mood was buttressed by certainty. This evening her fate will be decided. All she has to lose is everything, but the result is out of her hands. This probably settled her nerves. ‘Brazen it out’, was her only tactic today.

Taking the Michael | 6 December 2018

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One of the biggest stars of the 1970s was the professional lard-bucket Mick McManus, who plied his trade as an all-in wrestler. The sport was televised to millions. The parents of the playwright Michael McManus must have calculated that by giving their child the same name as ‘The Dulwich Destroyer’ they would subtly galvanise his intellectual ambitions. Their ploy paid off. The young Michael McManus, lumbered with the identity of a potato-shaped pugilist, seems to have toiled night and day to distinguish himself from his pot-bellied namesake. He succeeded in establishing his intellectual credentials by working as a political diarist, a ministerial adviser, and by writing well-received biographies of Jo Grimond and Ted Heath.

PMQs: A lesson in calling the Prime Minister a liar

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Huge ructions at PMQs. Ian Blackford, of the SNP, said Mrs May had been ‘misleading the house inadvertently or otherwise’ over her EU agreement. Instant panic. Roars of outrage at the suggestion that the prime minister had lied. Mr Speaker snapped to his feet. The house paused while he delivered his ruling which centred on two adverbs. He revealed that when accusing the PM of fibbing it’s advisable to say that it was done ‘inadvertently’. But to add the phrase ‘or otherwise’ suggests that Mrs May tells lies as a matter of policy. Surely not! ‘There must be no imputation of dishonour,’ said Mr Bercow, clearly enjoying the semantic kerfuffle and his position at its centre. Mr Blackford tried again.

Partners in crime | 29 November 2018

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I know nothing about Patricia Highsmith. The acclaimed American author wrote the kind of Sunday-night crime thrillers that put me to sleep. Her best-known creation, the suave psychopath Thomas Ripley, has spawned a number of films that I’ve carefully avoided. But ignorance is an ideal starting point for Switzerland, by Joanna Murray-Smith, a brilliantly nasty comedy that features Highsmith in 1995 when she was past her artistic best. What a piece of work. A foul-mouthed, booze-soaked, chain-smoking misanthrope squatting in a glass-fronted hermitage in the mountains with nothing but a typewriter, a whisky bottle and an Alpine panorama for company. (Actually, it sounds quite tempting, put like that.

Stop the press: Corbyn shows some wit at PMQs

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As their time draws near, doomed leaders like to have a final go on the train-set. Mrs May entered this state of self-absorbed hyperactivity about a week ago when she started to push and yank at all the levers of power in Downing Street. Honours were handed out. Jets were commissioned to zoom her between various provincial capitals. TV stations were ordered to suspend their Sunday schedules and to prepare for a stage-managed debate starring Mrs May. Her hope is to mobilise support for the chit of paper she recently received from Brussels in return for £39bn. Never was chit more dearly purchased. At PMQs we got a foretaste of the TV spectacular in which Mrs May hopes to vaporise Jeremy Corbyn. But unforeseen circumstances have raced to Mr Corbyn’s assistance.

A triumph for crony casting

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Michelle Terry, chatelaine of the Globe, wants to put an end to penis-led Shakespeare by casting women in roles intended for men. To showcase her war on male cronyism she presents a version of Macbeth starring Paul Ready as the king. She plays the queen. In real life the two are married. This must be rather galling for the actresses who auditioned for the lead role only to find that Ms Terry’s pro-woman policy had collapsed before the demands of her lord and master. But their on-stage partnership is astonishingly powerful. Set in the Sam Wanamaker theatre, a gilded little playhouse with uncomfortably cramped seats, this candlelit Gothic thriller has a palpable sense of horror and menace. Behind every flickering shadow lurks a traitor with a dripping knife.

PMQs: May unveils her Brexit consolation prizes

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Amber Rudd, a washed-up ex-minister last week, is the de facto Brexit secretary today. She revealed her loyalties this morning when she told an interviewer that parliament wouldn’t approve a no-deal agreement. And with no deal off the table, Brussels can dictate terms. Congrats Amber. The Légion d'honneur is on its way. And a peerage too, in all probability, given that Nick Clegg was knighted for opposing Brexit. Remainer Rudd’s bombshell was raised by Jeremy Corbyn at the start of PMQs. He asked Mrs May to state whether no deal is still an option. ‘I have consistently made clear,’ began the PM, before continuing in deliberately cryptic terms.

This will end badly | 15 November 2018

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Pinter Three appeals to opposite poles of the play-going spectrum. The birdbrains like me will enjoy the music-hall sketches while the goatee-strokers will have fun pretending that Pinter’s deadly earnest memory plays are worth seeing. Watching the first piece, Landscape, is like receiving a jigsaw puzzle in instalments. Two characters, Duff and Beth, speak to us without acknowledging each other. Maybe they’re married. Maybe they aren’t. Duff, played by Keith Allen, is a barking, aggressive know-all who works as a chauffeur. Tamsin Greig’s Beth is a prattling Irish scullery maid who witters on about ‘having a baby’ with a lover who may be Duff, or an unseen chap named Sykes, or someone else.

Corbyn exposed the flaw in May’s Brexit plan at PMQs

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Today’s choice for ‘A Book At Bedtime’ is the government’s draft Brexit deal. At daybreak the masterpiece was being referred to as a 500-page tome but its estimated length has now risen to 540 pp. That explains why the PM looked so calm and unruffled and at PMQs. No MP is going to risk brain damage by working through this Proustian monster. Even the wonkiest wonk in Westminster won’t read it all, and May stands to profit from her colleagues’ ignorance of the fine print. Roger Gale, who once held the demanding role of children’s TV producer, spoke up for every workshy lazybones in parliament. He asked the PM to release ‘details’ (i.e.

Teenage kicks | 8 November 2018

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Lauren Gunderson’s play I and You opens in the scruffy bedroom of 17-year-old Caroline. Lonely, beautiful and furious, she’s unable to participate in school life owing to a chronic liver problem. Into her hideaway barges Anthony, a handsome geek, who wants her to help with a Walt Whitman project. Caroline tries to chase him off but resourceful Anthony charms her into accepting his presence. What follows is a hilarious and beautifully observed study of modern teenage romance. Parents will recognise details like this: Caroline offers her guest a Coke but instead of asking him to fetch it from the kitchen she sends the request to Mom by text. Five minutes pass. ‘Where’s that Coke?’ huffs Caroline. ‘I ordered it, like, a month ago.

A Bridge too far

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In the year since it opened, the Bridge has given us the following: a harmless Karl Marx comedy by Richard Bean; a modern-dress Julius Caesar with Ben Whishaw playing Brutus as a frowning existentialist; a dreary rustic soap opera written by newcomer Barney Norris; and an enjoyable NHS romp by Alan Bennett. Not quite the string of triumphs everyone had expected from Nicholas Hytner who used to produce two dozen shows a year at the National but now manages one every three months at his bankside garret. Time on his hands. But not enough to script-edit the efforts of fashionable wags like Martin McDonagh whose silly, mean-spirited skit about Hans Christian Andersen is a humiliating low point in the Bridge’s short history. The setting is Copenhagen.

May and Corbyn’s austerity tug-of-war at PMQs

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The leaders played austerity tug-of-war at PMQs today. Is it over yet? Yes it is, said Theresa May. Not for years, said Jeremy Corbyn. Back and forth they went. Eventually they’d swung around 180 degrees and swapped positions. Corbyn seemed to want more austerity. May seemed thrilled that it was finished – a policy that Corbyn has long called for. But, he asked, isn’t the social security budget due to shrink by a further £5bn? ‘Yes or no?’ The PM ignored this and asked him about tax-cuts for higher earners announced in Monday’s Budget. ‘Will you vote for them?’ Tricky for Corbyn. If he opposes the cuts he penalises millions. If he accepts them he’ll be condemned as a far-right, tax-slashing, hug-a-millionaire class-traitor.

What I learned at the People’s Vote march

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Two beliefs obsess the Remain cause. First, that voters were lied to during the referendum campaign. (Questionable). Second, that the negotiations are being botched. (Indisputable). But while Remainers believe that their opponents are fibbers, they can’t see that they too are being misled. At the People’s Vote rally last Saturday, I found general acceptance of these four myths. 1. Brexit is a ‘far-right’ policy. 2. Europe will be closed to Britons after we leave. 3. The EU is run by saints who negotiate in good faith. 4. A second vote will heal the divisions caused by Brexit. The rally was vast and good-tempered. Many demonstrators had come to be photographed rather than to protest.

Baby love | 25 October 2018

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Stories by Nina Raine is a bun-in-the-oven comedy with a complex back narrative. Anna, in her mid-thirties, had a boyfriend 12 years younger than her but the relationship died just as Anna was ready to sprog. Aged 38, and desperately broody, she needs to get preggers pronto. We join her on a Sperm Quest. Though Anna could easily arrange a casual bareback fling, she insists on divulging her goal to her prospective lovers before they drop their Y-fronts and deliver the oats. The action opens as a family drama with Anna’s Dad (Stephen Boxer) pottering around the kitchen, drink in hand, making sarky comments about Anna’s sex life while she sits at a laptop scrolling through mugshots of potential dads. Her brother (Brian Vernal) tosses in comic asides of his own.

Theresa May survives another day at PMQs

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Mrs May survives. That’s the sensational news from today’s PMQs which was conducted in a remarkably sedate and leisurely atmosphere. The Tory leader came under little pressure from Jeremy Corbyn. And she got no grief at all from her own back-stabbers, sorry, back-benchers who seem to have decided to delay her dethronement until Hallowe’en, or possibly Bonfire Night. Jeremy Corbyn challenged the government’s promise that austerity is over. The Labour party love austerity. They need austerity. Without austerity they can’t promise to ‘end austerity’ at the next election. Announcing the loosening of Whitehall’s financial corsets, Mrs May said this. ‘People need to know that their hard work has paid off, and there are better days ahead.

What I learned at the People’s Vote march | 22 October 2018

From our UK edition

Two beliefs obsess the Remain cause. First, that voters were lied to during the referendum campaign. (Questionable). Second, that the negotiations are being botched. (Indisputable). But while Remainers believe that their opponents are fibbers, they can’t see that they too are being misled. At the People’s Vote rally last Saturday, I found general acceptance of these four myths. 1. Brexit is a ‘far-right’ policy. 2. Europe will be closed to Britons after we leave. 3. The EU is run by saints who negotiate in good faith. 4. A second vote will heal the divisions caused by Brexit. The rally was vast and good-tempered. Many demonstrators had come to be photographed rather than to protest.

This is a man’s world

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Sir David Hare’s weird new play sets out to chronicle the history of the Labour movement from 1996 to the present day. But it makes no mention of Corbyn, Momentum, the anti-Semitism row or rumours of a breakaway party. The drama is located in the dead-safe Miliband era and it opens with talk of a leadership election. The two best candidates, Pauline and Jack, are old lovers from university. Pauline is a doctor who entered politics when budget cuts threatened the hospital where her mother was being treated for cancer. Jack is a colourless Blairite greaser, a sort of Andy Burnham without the mascara, who is still besotted with Pauline despite being newly married to Jessica.