Kipper Williams

‘It’s to block phone calls from Nigel Farage.’

‘They ought to axe hereditary peers to ease House of Lords overcrowding.’

‘I trust I can rely on your sympathy.’

‘All political careers end in failure, but this is getting out of hand.’

‘At last – a safe seat.’

‘If I put my mind to it, I can boycott 500 literary festivals a day.’

‘It’s €5 to get in and €50 to get out’

‘If I’d known this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have bothered with the gender-reassignment surgery.’

‘I’m going to treat myself to Garrick membership’

‘What IS a woman?’