Bernie

‘It’s one rule for them and another rule for us.’

‘I thought we could rip this lot out and put in a heat pump.’

‘Rest assured, we’ll move more quickly in the next pandemic.’

‘I am not panic buying. I am urgently curating.’

‘Let’s start a rumour that there’s going to be a shortage!’

‘I’m off then — let’s see if I can get some meat today.’

‘It’s probably TB, but we won’t be sure until six months after we’ve killed you.’

‘I’ve been offered £10,000 to change universities or £20,000 to become a lorry driver.’

‘Look, I can still fit into my old burqa!’

‘The threat is receding but we still have to be cautious.’

‘Isn’t it great to be eating indoors again?’

‘You can’t come in unless you’ve been double jabbed.’