Football

Karma

Yes, it might well, nay would, have changed the momentum of the game*. No, video technology is not needed (not least because it hasn’t improved any game in which it has been introduced). And anyway, to adapt Wodehouse, what you gain on the roundabouts of 1966 you lose on the swings of 2010. Consider this, then, an open thread to moan about the World Cup:   *I didn’t actually see it since I was playing cricket. Against Langholm. We won. I took, rather astonishingly, two wickets. It should have been three. Or even four. But that would be greedy and massively above and beyond expectations.

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I’m not going to intrude into private grief. But, as mentioned before, there’s a considerable disconnect between the England fans (many of them anyway) and the tabloids. As this wince-inducing Sun frontpage from the day after the draw was announced makes clear… So, readers, what do you think England should do next?

Alex Massie

Oh No! English People Support England! Racists! Think of the Children!

Sunder Katwala has already done a terrific job dismantling this fatuous piece of New Statesman guff by James Macintyre. But that doesn’t mean other people can’t play the game too. Macintyre, you see, wants to see a United British football team. Not, mind you, because he thinks it might be better than England’s but because this is needed “for the sake of the Union”. Yes, really. Macintyre’s piece is remarkable, not least because I’m not persuaded it contains even a single sensible sentence while every one of its assumptions is wrong and each of its dubious interpretations is as hopeless as anything ever produced by a Russian linesman. It’s so

Annals of Dismal Punditry: World Cup Edition

One of the stranger aspects of watching World Cup coverage in the United States is ESPN’s choice of colour commentator and studio analyst. Who knew that what this tournament really needs is Robbie Mustoe’s analysis? Then there’s Steve McManaman and Ally McCoist and Efan Ekoku all of whom are working for the Americans for, frankly, mysterious reasons. Not all of it works. Then again, the quality of analysis on the BBC and ITV has been abysmal and actually, I think, worse than what ESPN offers. Tom English has a splendid, righteous, column in the Scotsman today that sets about Shearer and Hansen and Chiles and the rest of them in

Defending the Defence: Italian Edition

As the build-up to the World Cup continues, my latest item at Goal Post defends Italy and the Italian way of playing football. Some of this, I confess, is based on sentiment. If Scotland cannot prevail – and it seems that some techinicality has made that more than usually impossible this year – then Italy are the european team I tend to support. Perhaps it’s because I spent the first year of my life in Rome that this is the case. No memories of that time, of course, but some bond of sentiment nonetheless. Anyway, there’s a magnificent austerity to Italian football sometimes and, while one might not want to

World Cup Blogging

Naturally there’ll be some of that here this month, but I’m also blogging for the New Republic over at Frank Foer’s reconstituted Goal Post blog. Among the other contributors: novelists Aleksandar Hemon, Daniel Alarcon and Rabih Alemeddine. There’s also Howard Wolfson, now a Deputy Mayor of New York City but better known, perhaps, as communications director for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign.  Anyway, it should be fun so I hope you’ll come on over and say hello there as well. My opening contribution is to express the desire that Anyone But Brazil wins. However you can skip that and move to Daniel Alarcon’s reflections on the Cult of Maradona. Naturally there’s

Beat This, Adidas

Nike’s World Cup ad is great. Let’s see how Adidas counter with Lionel Messi et al. Note too how even in an ad Ronaldo is an egotistical pillock.

Chris Kamara For The Win

Lord knows that in these trying, perhaps even desperate, times we need some light relief. So here’s Chris Kamara cheerfully admitting that he hasn’t a clue what’s going on in the Portsmouth vs Blackburn Rovers game the other day. Now, if only political pundits and broadcasters were this honest… And no, I’m not knocking Mr Kamara. I once wrote a 900 word report on a rugby match that, thanks to my own stupidity and the uselessness of a colleague who was giving me a lift to Hawick and had got the kick-off time wrong, was into injury time by the time we arrived. That is, we saw fewer than two

Wayne Agonistes

  Who knows how bad Wayne Rooney’s ankle injury is? Not since Metatarsal Watch in 2006, however, has there been such troubling news for the England camp. One mobs’ rain is another lots’ sunshine however and the Agony of Wayne’s Ankle is a gift to our never under-excited press. We can expect Fleet Street to move into battle with its customary brio. All weapons will be deployed including, but not limited to: 1. Ankle Correspondents. No serious paper can cover this crisis without a specialist Ankle Correspondent. Just as old Afghan hands were hauled out of retirement in the winter of 2001-2002, so their Ankle brethren will return to prominence

Labour’s Political Football

Elections really are pretty grim. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been overseas for some of them (well, 1997 and 2005) that this one seems especially awful. First there’s the rash of “celebrity endorsements”* which are themselves enough to make one abandon any remaining hope. I mean, if the Tories are “backed” by Ulrika Jonsson, John McCririck, Tony Handley and Jimmy Greaves how can any sentient person consider that an argument for the Conservative cause? Then there’s this latest election-gimmick from Labour: proposals** to “give” football supporters’ groups a 25% stake in their club’s shareholding. By give, of course, I mean insist. Really, it’s hard to know where to begin. But this

Anyone But England?

Happily, I couldn’t find a photo of Steve Nicol’s miss against Uruguay in 1986. Could there be anything dafter, yet still wearisomely predictable, than the news that the polis have warned an Aberdeen shop that dares to sell “Anyone But England” t-shirts* in the run-up to this year’s World Cup finals that said items might be considered “racist”? Quiet times in the Granite City, one trusts, if this is how the constabulary is keeping busy. It’s inevitable that we’l hear much more on this front as the tournament draws nearer (just ask Andy Murray). So, for the record, this blog’s Official England World Cup Position is this: I’d like England

The changing face of English football

As Fraser said earlier, we’ve got a great piece by Mihir Bose in the latest issue of the mag on British football’s debt crisis.  I would normally say that non-football fans should look away now, but the story is so redolent of the entire financial crisis that it’s worth any CoffeeHouser’s time.  What you’ll find is a tale of big clubs, big egos and even bigger debts – the latter running into billions of pounds. Much of this debt has been down to financial brinkmanship on the part of football club owners and chairmen.  Even though money has been pouring into the English game from global television deals and the

John Terry and politics<br />

John Terry’s sacking as England captain tells us something interesting about what is considered a sackable offence in today’s world and what is not. When the story was just about Terry allegedly cuckolding a team mate his position as captain seemed safe. As Danny Finkelstein argued on the Today Programme, modern society is reluctant to have people lose their jobs because of sexual indiscretions—politicians don’t have to resign as soon as they are caught having affairs these days. But as soon as there started to be stories alleging financial impropriety—the claim that an associate of his was hawking out the Wembley box that Terry was entitled to through his position

La Main du Match

Photo: Lionel Bonaventure/AFP/Getty Images If there were a World Cup for Being Sanctimonious, Ireland would qualify every time. So, mind you, might Scotland. The aftermath of last night’s match in Paris has been predictably entertaining. One refereeing blunder (though it’s quite pssible the referee was unsighted and so did not, in fact, “bottle” the decision) has provided ample opportunity for cant and humbug. Thus, the Irish demand that the match be replayed. Good idea! Let’s have another go at the 1966 World Cup Final while we’re at it! FAI President John Delaney complains: “There’s a team that should be in the World Cup today and that’s us. We should be

England are Third Best Football Team in the World, Boffins Say!

Sure Barack Obama won the Presidential election last year. But he wasn’t the only big winner. Nate Silver, the number-cruncher behind FiveThirtyEight.com was another victor, having predicted the result with uncanny accuracy. Silver is a sabermetrician, which is to say that he began his public life as an analyst for the brilliant Baseball Prospectus years before he brought his statistical nous to politics. Using regression analyses, among other tools, to predict political outcomes is one thing; trying to create a predictive rankings system for international football is quite another. By “quite another” I mean vastly more difficult. Nonetheless, Silver has attempted this. So, as a rival to FIFA’s rankings (which

Diego Maradona Lives to Fight Another Day

Argentina’s coach Diego Maradona celebrates his team’s goal against Uruguay during their World Cup qualifier in Montevideo. Argentina won 1-0 and qualified in fourth position for the World Cup. Photo: Daniel Garcia/AFP/Getty Images. Well, they did it. In the end Argentina didn’t need to win in Montevideo yesterday since Chile’s victory against Ecuador ensured that, whatever happened by the River Plate, Argentina would still have a chance of qualifying for the World Cup next summer. Happily the Selección will be in South Africa. Maradon’a reign as Argentina’s manager has, of course, done more than just flirt with Calamity; it proposed to her and for some time Calamity seemed inclined to

Disappointment Deferred

Scott Brown #6 of Scotland celebrates after scoring the opening goal, with team mates Kenny Miller and Darren Fletcher during the  2010 World Cup Qualifier match beteween Scotland and Macedonia at Hampden Park. Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images. Oh dear. Scotland won a football match today. Ordinarily this is occasion for huzzahs and trebles all round. But, really, we all know that it’s simply a matter of Delaying the Disappointment. To recap: for 50 minutes or so Scotland were dire. Against Macedonia. At home. Now all that’s needed is victory over Holland on Wednesday, results elsewhere to fall into place and the trifling matter of a play-off against a better

Megrahi Release Explained: He’s a Rangers Fan

Roddy Forsyth deserves our congratulations for revealing this: One of the unforeseen consequences of Abdelbaset Ali Al-Megrahi’s incarceration in Greenock Prison was that, by his own account, in whiling away the hours by watching live football on the now-defunct Setanta network he became a Rangers supporter. No surprise that a man convicted of the worst terrorist atrocity in British history would forsake his local team – Morton – to support one of the Gruesome Twosome*. He and Rangers deserve one another. This, mind you, could run and run. Just as Celtic and Rangers supporters have co-opted other conflicts for their own ends (Huns** Rangers waving Israeli flags; Tims** Celtic sporting

Do Football Managers Make a Difference?

Left Back in the Changing Room and More than Mind Games have already commented on Simon Kuper’s* article in the FT that argues that football managers have no real impact on their teams’ fortunes. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have a say too! Kuper writes: The obsession with football managers is misguided. Hardly any of them make any difference to results. The institution of manager is something of a con-trick. Ferguson and Ancelotti are best understood as marketing tools. The fact is that players’ salaries alone almost entirely determine football results. Stefan Szymanski, economics professor at Cass Business School, studied the spending of 40 English clubs between 1978 and