Q. Please can you advise on a matter that, although seemingly trivial, is causing some tension in our household. Like many families, rather than spreading butter on our toast at breakfast time, we have switched to one of the supposedly healthier alternative low-fat spreads. Our problem is by what name should we refer to this
Q. I am a British MEP which is, you will agree, a heavy social cross to bear. For six years I have tried to set a sartorial example to my fellow MEPs, wearing nothing that did not emanate from Jermyn Street or Savile Row. Now an old rugby injury to the knee necessitates the wearing
Q. I arranged to meet my son at King’s Cross to hand over some camping equipment for him to take to the Secret Garden festival. I planned to go by Tube (from Balham) but the load was heavy. I justified the ordering of an expensive minicab by the thought that I could work in the
Q. Next month my husband and I are taking guests for a week on a boat in Turkey. They are people we do not know very well. Since a lot of our guests are Americans they will not be drinking very much and I wonder if you can suggest any ways in which we might
Q. I have had very discreet surgery to improve a jowly effect I was developing. I did not tell anyone I was having it done as my parents would be horrified if they found out. I believe I look much better but no one has complimented me and I am worried that this is because
Q. My godson, who has just finished his A-levels, has always wanted to work in television or film production. I would like to help him get an internship but, although I am a journalist and have some friends in that world, they all say their books are full. If only they would just meet him.
Q. At a recent funeral wake I was horrified to see a man who did much to make my life a misery during my schooldays. I have no wish to see this man again or to have anything to do with him. My attempt at avoiding him at the wake was unsuccessful. Instead he made
Q. Last year we were invited by dear friends to country house opera, which was wonderful except that we discovered afterwards that we were expected to pay for our tickets — over £100 each! I gather this is fairly normal practice. But we dread being re-invited this year. How can I decline without having to
Q. I have three children in their early twenties. There is a fashion in their circles not to know each other’s surnames. They always introduce themselves to each other, and to one, by Christian names only. Perhaps they feel it adds to the mystery of their lives. Last weekend, however, I had 32 of my
Q. I am an elderly widow and have never been a demonstrative person. Recently, a young lady who frequents my circle asked if she could hug me: I have no particular feelings for her, and had no hesitation in saying no. Since then she has made a habit of pouncing on me when I am
Q. The other night I took my parents to an upmarket eatery to celebrate my birthday. The food, wine and service were exceptional, but the music was so loud that one had to shout to be heard. My father suffers from slight deafness and had great difficulty hearing the conversation. Two polite requests to turn
Q. What should I do when other people in church begin clapping, for example following a confirmation service or a wedding? I cannot bring myself to endorse this terrible breach of etiquette by clapping myself, but it seems terribly pompous not to join in with the enthusiastic crowd. Name and address withheld A. Clapping is
Q. May I pass on a tip to readers? I always used to feel a bit embarrassed if, when leaving a drinks party at about 9 p.m., people stopped me to ask where I was going. Usually I am going back to a dreary supper on my own but it seems so dull to say
Q. I am of an age when I’m invited to coming-of-age parties for my friends’ children. As several of them are well-heeled and the children over-indulged, it has become customary to buy very lavish gifts, which I find ostentatious and can ill afford. I like attending these functions, and relish the opportunity to catch up
Q. A dear friend was recently introduced to a woman my wife and I dimly recall as a casual acquaintance from our children’s schooldays whom we had found rather aggressive. She asked for our telephone number, explaining what splendid friends we used to be and, unaware of our true sentiments towards this woman, our friend
Q. Further to your correspondence with ‘name withheld’ of Yokohama, I have a recurring problem with my beautiful Japanese wife of many years and I was wondering if you could help. Here in Australia, when meeting people for the first time, they often ask, ‘Where did you meet your wife?’ I then usually explain that
Q. My wife and I live in a very pretty, modestly sized farmhouse. It comes with two barns to scale and since long before I met her, friends, and friends of friends, have been in the habit of asking my saintly wife to store things for them, while they get their lives and accommodation together.
Q. May I offer an alternative solution to the query from Yokohama last week? A 60-year-old man wrote that people complimented him on his girlfriend’s looks — but in a manner barely concealing amazement that he has managed to attract such a beauty. When this happens, I would suggest he reply: ‘Yes, I agree. And
Q. Before going into hospital for an eye operation, a good friend asked me if she could do anything to help when I came out. I thought this was a very kind gesture but I am now back at home and have not heard a word from her. Should I ignore this as pure forgetfulness
Q. My great-granddaughter’s parent’s relationship did not survive. The child’s mother now has another daughter. As I have the means to give my great-granddaughter education in the private sector, I have offered this, but the child’s mother wants both daughters educated at the same school for family harmony. Is there anything that you could suggest