The Battle for Britain | 12 July 2025

‘She’s been unbearable since she started the Ozempic.’
‘No, Tom, you didn’t win. The race just happened to finish when you were at the front.’
‘I considered joining the Labour party but this seemed easier.’
‘If they can bring us back to life, maybe there’s hope for the Tory party.’
‘It’s diversity gone mad.’
‘Don’t cry.’
‘You’re under arrest for misconstrued satire.’
‘The sight of a politician in trouble always gets me going.’
‘We’ll have a red – but not full-bodied’