Beard
‘OK, gentlemen, enough beard envy.’
Cartoons
Trojan Horse
‘Isn’t that nice? It’s a gift from the Jehovah’s Witnesses to apologise for being so annoying and pushy earlier today.’
Wolf Hall
‘I’ve heard of Hilary Mantel – but who is this Henry VIII?’
Flocking
‘No, this is flocking. Stampeding is on the 29th floor.’
Bamboo
‘So, that’s bamboo, bamboo, bamboo, bamboo, bamboo, bamboo. And for you, Sir?’
Bride
‘You may now sext the bride.’
Down
‘So can I put you down as holding us in slightly less contempt than the others, then?’
Pencil
‘Dad, what’s a pencil?’
Property 2
‘We thought about a conservatory but decided this would add more value to the property.’
Heaven 2
‘I know my expectations of heaven shouldn’t have been so high but this is ridiculous..’
Beans
‘Under present circumstances, a handful of beans for a dairy cow seems like a bargain, Jack.’
Gentrification
‘This area has recently moved from being a dump to being an expensive dump.’