Dave – 9 January 2014

‘We’re naming him after the whole of the England cricket team: “Useless.” ’
‘Try believing in your selfie.’
‘I’d like the usual savage Tory cut.’
‘Your condition was once treatable but medical science has moved on.’
‘I’m twerking from home.’
‘What’s your problem? I got you a margherita and I got myself a Hawaiian.’
‘Nice piercings.’
‘More sea, vicar?’