Cats
‘They’re much funnier on the internet’
Cartoons
Teeth
‘I’m coming out — I want the world to know...’
Panda
‘My wife and I are having trouble conceiving.’
Lions 2
‘I thought you said lions didn’t climb trees.’
Death 3
‘Before you take me away I just want to update my profile picture.’
Oliver
‘Quick, turn it over. I only have to look at Jamie Oliver and I pile on the pounds.’
Staring
‘I wasn’t staring at you — I was staring through you!’
Guru
‘If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still end up on Twitter?’
Morrissey
‘I’m all for HS2 if it gets Morrissey sent back to Manchester quicker.’
Lobbyists
‘How did your meeting with the lobbyists go?’
Sacrifices
‘What’s the problem? We told you when you started that you’d have to make some sacrifices.’
Fireworks
‘Could you turn the fireworks up? We can still hear The X Factor.’