‘I don’t call it a comb-over, I prefer the phrase “hair system”.’
‘I don’t call it a comb-over, I prefer the phrase “hair system”.’
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Thursday
‘Apparently the grandchildren are good for our brains.’
‘Apparently the grandchildren are good for our brains.’
I have a book in me
‘…And they all lived anxiously ever after.’
‘…And they all lived anxiously ever after.’
‘You’ve had work done, haven’t you?’
‘You’ve had work done, haven’t you?’
‘The cat’s brought a mouse in to play with.’
‘The cat’s brought a mouse in to play with.’
‘The dog’s been on the internet again.’
‘The dog’s been on the internet again.’
Friday
‘And on that cliffhanger, we’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happens next.’
‘And on that cliffhanger, we’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happens next.’
Seating plan
‘He came off Snowzempic.’
‘He came off Snowzempic.’
Thursday
‘It’s enlightening but not in a good way.’
‘It’s enlightening but not in a good way.’
‘I prefer something based on a true story.’
‘I prefer something based on a true story.’
‘You were the future once.’
‘You were the future once.’
‘I’m afraid he’s a young white male.’
‘I’m afraid he’s a young white male.’
Monday
Does it really matter if Grok undresses us all?
I’ve been fat and I’ve been thin; I’ve been pretty and I’ve been plain – ugly, even. Throughout this, my self-esteem has stayed generally constant, as if you’re going to base it on something as ephemeral as physical beauty, you’re going to run out of road very quickly indeed. This objective attitude to my own appearance reminds me of a funny story from the infant days of the internet. Imagine my surprise one morning to receive a message from an unknown recipient informing me that they had film of me masturbating to online pornography which they would make available to a wider audience should I fail to pay a ransom.
Wednesday
Take a trip to The Bone Temple
28 Years Later, Danny Boyle’s ace return to the 28 Days later series, was one of last year’s most pleasant cinematic surprises. Combining serious thrills with creeping suspense and a light dusting of social commentary, it also ended with one hell of a cliffhanger, as its protagonist, Alfie Williams’s young Spike, found himself in the hands of a gang of psychotic Jimmy Savile-styled desperadoes, led by Jack O’Connell’s sinister Lord Jimmy Crystal. Audiences were keen to see how Candyman and Hedda director Nia DaCosta could pick up the pieces in the next installment, The Bone Temple – once again scripted by Alex Garland – and how the narrative threads sewn
