Society

Thursday

Toby Young Toby Young

Must try harder, Education Secretary

The headmaster of one of the best comprehensives in the country was once asked the following question by Tony Blair: ‘If you could do one thing to improve state education in this country, what would it be?’ ‘Oh, that’s easy,’ he said. ‘I’d line up every civil servant in the education department and machine gun the lot of ’em.’ No prime minister has ever asked me that question, but my answer would be more diplomatic. It would be to insist that every incoming education secretary memorise the serenity prayer. This is the prayer that members of Alcoholics Anonymous recite at the end of their meetings: ‘God, grant me the serenity

Henry Jeffreys

The thrill of the Beaujolais Run

‘Le Beaujolais nouveau est arrivé!’ If that phrase means anything to you, you’re likely of a vintage that remembers pre-Clarkson Top Gear. Growing up in the 1980s, you couldn’t miss adverts for the Beaujolais Run – an annual race to be the first to bring the new wine back to England. People would rush over to Burgundy in their Aston Martins and Jaguars, fill up with Beaujolais and roar back home. The idea for a race across France was cooked up by Clement Freud and wine merchant Joseph Berkmann in 1970. It really took off in 1974 when the Sunday Times offered a prize to the first person to bring

Roger Alton Roger Alton

The towering talent of Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii

When it comes to dishing out God’s gifts, you feel the Almighty could be a little more even-handed. Take Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii for example. He is the extraordinary young centre who helped steer Australia to that exhilarating victory over England at Twickenham last weekend in one of the most thrilling games ever seen there. Suaalii was playing his first ever senior match in rugby union at the age of just 21. As a youngster his school had to seek special dispensation for him to play in the first XV as he was under 14. He later switched to rugby league and at 17 made his debut for the Sydney Roosters in

Catriona Olding

My brief encounter with online dating

Provence One of my daughters and a few pals, thinking I need company, have been urging me to get Bumble, the online dating app where women make the first move. I’ve thought in the past month or so that I might like some sort of relationship, but contemplating the reality is scary. When someone you love passionately dies, love lives on but sometimes too much; both sweet and painful memories can be paralysing. ‘You can’t be on your own in the cave for ever,’ someone said recently.  Why not? Friends Dave and Kate met on Bumble. He said: ‘You must remember, Catriona, there are lots of decent men out there

Melissa Kite

Printers are pure evil

‘Printers are evil,’ said the office supplies salesman after I texted him to complain that my new printer was not working. A day earlier he had installed it perfectly, and it worked perfectly – all the while he was standing there. Then he left, and the devilish thing looked at me and thought: ‘I’ll have some fun with her.’ The problem could be anything. The printer doesn’t care. All it wants to do is not work I don’t really understand why we can put men and women in space, but we can’t make printers work unless a tech expert is standing by. Elon Musk says he is going to Mars,

Mary Killen

Dear Mary: How can I say no to charities I don’t want to support?

Q. My wife worked in the picture department of a very reputable auction house but has now taken to retirement with great enthusiasm. However, friends are constantly contacting her for free advice, valuations etc. They usually start with: ‘I know you’ve retired, but this won’t take you very long…’ She finds this irritating, yet doesn’t want to offend anyone – she just wants a peaceful retirement. How can she put a stop to these constant interruptions? – Name withheld, West Sussex A. She should be sympathetic but use the double deterrent of replying: ‘I’m out of the market now, so I wouldn’t feel confident charging you for advice.’ Q. I

Robin Oakley

The brilliance of Alastair Down 

Long before I could afford to go racing I began collecting racing books, my first jumble sale acquisition the marvellously entitled Sods I Have Cut On the Turf by 1920s jockey Jack Leach. Leach, who was friends with Fred Astaire and Edgar Wallace, kept his weight down by jogging wearing four sweaters and three long johns under a rubber suit but always had a good steak dinner with wine. ‘If possible I used to take off an extra 3-4lb so that I could have a small sandwich and a glass of champagne before racing started. This made me feel a new man – and if I had a few ounces

Tanya Gold Tanya Gold

A light in the darkness: Home Kitchen reviewed

Home Kitchen is in Primrose Hill, another piece of fantasy London, home to the late Martin Amis and Paddington Bear. It is a measure of the times that Elizabeth II had no literary chronicler – no Amis, no Proust for her – but was, almost against her will, given Paddington Bear instead. When I saw the small bear at her memorials, I thought: is that her genre? Infants’ fiction? Couldn’t she do better? The question that follows is, of course: would they have eaten together at Home Kitchen? The barley is doughty, fragrant and from the earth. The crumble is from God To do so – and forgive this fiction,

Susanna Gross

Bridge | 16 November 2024

I enjoyed playing in the Surrey Mixed Pairs with my friend Guy Hart last Sunday. It was a friendly event, and Guy, with his frequent witty quips, makes me laugh more than anyone. We played pretty well (not too many mistakes), so I must admit we were disappointed with our below par result. The thing is, the event was mixed in more ways than one: plenty of good players, but plenty of weak ones too. Poor players give out plenty of ‘gifts’, and if you’re not lucky enough to get any – and we weren’t – it’s hard to do well. Early on, for instance, we sat against a couple

Dot Wordsworth

The sparkling side of ‘coruscating’

An ‘apoplectic’ reader, Antony Wynn, writes to lament that ‘two much loved writers have been coruscating of late when they should have been excoriating’. In pursuing his tale of horror, I made a surprising discovery. Let’s start with origins. Coruscate comes from Latin coruscare, ‘to vibrate, glitter, sparkle, gleam’. Excoriate comes from Latin excoriare, ‘to strip off the hide’. Generally, present-day meanings need not be those of the etymological originals, but in these two cases many writers are aware of the ancestry and think of sparkling behind coruscating and flaying behind excoriating. Yet a large proportion of uses of coruscate are clearly meant to mean ‘upbraid scathingly, decry, revile’ –

Olivia Potts Olivia Potts

Mince, glorious mince

Sometimes, when it comes to culinary history, Britain is its own worst enemy. For a long time, British food has been seen as a joke among other nations, but also nearer to home. Even when the dishes are near indistinguishable, we’re still happy to poke fun at our own fare: we love panna cotta but laugh at blancmange; we cringe at stew but revere boeuf Bourguignon. They’re the same, but that doesn’t stop us. Where better to showcase the unsung hero braised beef mince than in a beautiful short-crust pie? Mince gets the worst of our inward-turned opprobrium, a leitmotif in our national food anthem. A pot of stewed mince

Luke McShane

The Babson task

To an outsider, we chess players might seem a rather uniform breed. Studious and contemplative, we spend hours absorbed in a board game to no apparent end. It is the archetypal thinker’s hobby. But within the subculture, there are many, perhaps even a majority, who identify as pragmatists, not thinkers. Results are the driving motivation. At the board, they are drawn to ideas which are likely to wrong-foot the opponent, with no special regard for their objective merits. In their study, they disdain the more obscure, frivolous or unrealistic chess problems such as the one in the puzzle below. What, they ask, is the purpose of seeking a subtle mate

Luke McShane

No. 827

White to play and mate in 2. Composed by Sam Loyd, La Stratégie, 1867. Email answers to chess@spectator.co.uk by Monday 18 November. There is a prize of £20 for the first correct answer out of a hat. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 Be8! threatens 2 Nf3#. If 1…g6+ 2 Nf7# or 1…g5+ 2 Nd7# Last week’s winner Colin Ratledge, Leven, East Yorks

James Walton

Spectator Competition: Plum assignment

In Competition 3375 you were invited to submit an extract in which P.G. Wodehouse had a go at writing Raymond Chandler noir. Sad – and perhaps slightly pedantic – to report, quite a few entrants got this the wrong way round, writing Wodehouse’s material in a Chandler style, with references to hot dames at the Drones club etc. Some of these were admittedly very good but as The Spectator takes a stern line on the importance of reading the question, the following win £25 each. ‘Well done helping me sort that one out, Jeeves. The cops have arrested the chap with the face like an off-colour watermelon, and so Lydia won’t

Edmund West

Fear and gloaming at Whitby Goth Weekend

Every April and every Halloween weekend, Whitby in Yorkshire is chock-full of goths. As I seem to be The Spectator’s adopted goth, I was asked if I might like to write about Whitby Goth Weekend (WGW). Goth is a fashion that emphasises darkness and death: Edgar Allan Poe and Alice Cooper are the best examples. But the only thing to fear from WGW is the horrific train journey. It took six hours to go from King’s Cross to Whitby. Whoever called the TransPennine Express an express needs to explain themselves. When I finally got to Whitby, I was met by thousands of people in costumes. Even the dogs were taking

Pabulum

2680: Two of a kind

Two works, 1A/8 (four words in total) and 27/36, are by authors born in 25 and 17 respectively. Two other unclued lights give their forenames: a further relevant name will appear in the completed grid and must be shaded. Ignore an apostrophe. Across 7               Maybe bowler’s come again wanting wickets (3) 11            Turn out active ox not acceptable within summerhouse (6) 13            Soft landlord produces hammer (7) 15            Refuse to kill nearly everybody (5) 16            Insect notes garnered sesame (5) 18            About 586 yards past American state (5) 20            Brazen co-regent’s demand for more (6) 21            Pushers of quality drinking in room

The Spectator

2677: What’s in a name? – solution

The 14 unclued lights can be constructed using only the letters in ‘THE SPECTATOR’, as indicated in the preamble. First prize Belinda Bridgen, London NW8 Runners-up J. Bielawski, Southport; Hugh Green, Petersfield, Hampshire

The Spectator

The case against assisted suicide

Those in favour of the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill insist they’ve addressed critics’ principal concerns and that ‘stringent safeguards’ are in place. But it is impossible to see how this could be the case. If suicide is institutionalised as a form of medical treatment it is inevitable that vulnerable people will feel under pressure to opt for it, and inevitable that the bill will in time be amended and extended. In Canada, denying assisted suicide to people who are not terminally ill has been ruled to be discrimination Under the terms of the existing bill, a terminally ill person given less than six months to live will

Douglas Murray

Welcome to life on Planet Elon

On 13 July this year, an assassin’s bullet grazed the ear of Donald Trump as he turned his head on stage in Butler, Pennsylvania. The whole world saw it and his response: ‘Fight, fight, fight.’ For Elon Musk, this was not just a news event but a galvanising and clarifying moment. He immediately posted a video of the shooting to X and wrote: ‘I fully endorse President Trump and hope for his rapid recovery.’ Musk is different from most people. For him, going all-in really means going all-in. When Trump returned to Butler last month, he was joined on stage by the billionaire. Musk is now one of the most