Miscellaneous

Martin Vander Weyer

Britain’s economic fate doesn’t depend on Heathrow

Hit-and-miss, heavy-handed, but a necessary use of justice to deter repetition. That was my summing-up, last year, of the Serious Fraud Office’s probe into the Libor and Euribor scandal, in which just nine low-ranking traders from four banks were convicted, despite evidence that rate-fixing malpractice had been endemic throughout the money markets for years. In the case of the SFO’s inquiry into the controversial capital–raising that enabled Barclays to escape a taxpayer bailout in 2008, the summary has to be ‘miss-and-miss, heavier-handed than ever’. But still I ask: was it worthwhile as a warning to others? The nub of the case was the payment to Qatari investors, to secure their

Spectator competition winners: lines on a young lady’s Instagram

In Competition No. 3138 you were invited to submit a poem entitled ‘Lines on a Young Lady’s Instagram’. Thanks to David Jones, who suggested this challenge, a nod to Philip Larkin’s 1953 ‘Lines on a Young Lady’s Photograph Album’ from the collection The Less Deceived (‘My swivel eye hungers from pose to pose —/ In pigtails, clutching a reluctant cat;/ Or furred yourself, a sweet girl–graduate…’). There were echoes of Larkin-esque perviness in the entry, and stalkerish voyeurism, too, courtesy of Nick Syrett’s twist on Betjeman’s ‘A Subaltern’s Love Song’, which appears below. The witty and accomplished winners earn £25 each. At last your smart account accepted me,A newbie in

2444: Ones in the country solution

The unclued answers are all words inChambers, having their origin in Indonesia (clued by wordplay in the title). First prize Kailash Vernalls, Thame, OxonRunners-up Paul Davies, Reading, Berks; Mrs J. Smith, Beeston, Norfolk

Increment and excrement

The science-fiction writer Douglas Adams ridiculed our primitive species for considering digital watches to be ‘a pretty neat idea’. Digital chess clocks really are pretty neat, because they enable modern competitive games to be played with an ‘increment’. For each move played, you earn extra seconds to make the next one, a simple innovation which allows all games to reach a natural conclusion. (By contrast, analogue clocks allot a tranche of thinking time for a series of moves). A lack of increment on the clock occasionally makes for excrement on the board; bashing out 20 moves in five remaining seconds may be physically impossible, but that never stops people trying.

2446: Spring time

Each clue defines the full solution to which the letter-count refers. However, the cryptic wordplay leads to the grid entry, after one letter has been omitted each time it appears in the full solution. The omitted letters in clue order reveal a relevant timely phrase which solvers should include with their entry. Across 1 Helped top-class lad (8) 4 150 sects accepting alternative maths aids (11) 10 Any reply sorted about church theft? (12, two words) 11 Eccentric fellow returns the French novel (7) 12 Sit astride stump (8) 14 Tooth-shaped, partly bent, oily (7) 15 Hired jeans regularly provide fabric (6) 16 Holes in English slab overturned (7) 22

2443: Middle of the road solution

Each unclued light is a genus name of a TREE (i.e. ‘middle of the road’ = (s)TREE(t)). Cornus was also allowed at 2 Down.First prize John Honey, SurbitonRunners-up Ben Stephenson, London SW12; D. Page, Orpington

No. 3137: By George

In Competition No. 3137, to mark the 70th anniversary of George Orwell’s death, you were invited to submit a short story with an Orwellian flavour. This challenge was inspired by an entertaining thread on Twitter started by @-rcolvile, who asked for ideas for sequels or spin-offs when Orwell’s work goes out of copyright next January. Among the suggestions that elicited the most ‘likes’ were @NickTyrone’s ‘a sequel to Animal Farm in which all the non-pig animals console themselves with the idea that at least they “won the argument”.’ An honourable mention goes to Nick MacKinnon, whose twist on Nineteen Eight-Four sees Winston consigned to a Room 101 that is the

Bridge 29 February 2020

Bridge experts are a lovely lot. They give their time freely and generously to encourage and teach students and bring bridge to a wider, young audience. Prof Sam(antha) Punch organised a terrific pro/am event last week for 76 pairs and raised more than £50k for her Keep Bridge Alive charity.   The Young Chelsea BC is launching a major drive to recruit young players by offering to teach bridge to every student in London — all 375,000 of them! Bright young stars India Leeming (who is running the YC youth initiative) and Shazaad Natt are organising a teaching weekend, and up at Acol Stefan Skorchev ran his annual Invitational Pairs

Confidence tricks

Three consecutive losses in a tournament is dryly termed ‘castling queenside’, in reference to the chess notation for that move (0-0-0). Carissa Yip went one worse, starting with four demoralising zeros at the Cairns Cup in St Louis this month. The 16-year-old American was the lowest ranked player in the elite women’s all-play-all tournament, so it wasn’t about to get any easier, and her experienced opponents were surely looking to capitalise. In the fifth round, she bounced back in style with a win over seven-time US women’s champion Irina Krush. ‘Someone told me that I should just fake it till I make it,’ Yip explained after the game. Those were

Britain is booming – despite Brexit

After the vote for Brexit, it was often said that our departure from the EU was most likely to harm the very people who voted for it: the industrial workers of the Midlands and North. Didn’t they know that a vote for Brexit would, in itself, lead to 500,000 more job losses? Couldn’t they see that Nissan was bound to wind down its operations in Sunderland and move business to mainland Europe? Almost four years on, it’s safe to say that most of the economic doom-mongering was nonsense. This week’s figures on jobs and earnings show that, since the referendum, employment is up by one million — and it is

3136: Love me don’t

In Competition No. 3136 you were invited to submit a lonely hearts ad guaranteed to send those looking for love running in the opposite direction. This assignment was a nod to the charmingly idiosyncratic personal ads that have appeared over the years in the London Review of Books — ‘They call me Naughty Lola. Run-of-the-mill beardy physicist (M, 46)’; ‘I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out and covered in too much tahini’ — which proved such a hit that they’ve been collected in two volumes. In an entry where the flatulent rubbed dandruff-sprinkled shoulders with the gout-ridden and the

2442: Don’t nod solution

ROTAVATOR (4A), NAURUAN (12), DEED (25), DEIFIED (36), MALAYALAM (39), REIFIER (4D), TERRET (15D), and REPAPER (18) are palindromes as is 2442, the NUMBER (3) of the PUZZLE (30), and its title. First prize Neil Mendoza, OxfordRunners-up Duncan Milroy, East Molesey, Surrey, Alison Latham, London EC1R

2445: In other words II

41, 1A, 10 (seven words in total) is a description of a phenomenon. Remaining unclued lights, including one of two words and three of three words, either singly, paired or as a trio, form four examples of this phenomenon. All are confirmed in the ODQ (8th ed.) Across 11 Leaf parts of liana ice destroyed (8)12 Agreed drug hidden in grass must return (4)13 Fish, internally cold and blue (4)14 Split lip — scare for breathing orifice (8)16 African statesman’s vengeance on criminals (6)18 It’s complete in French flag (6)20 With hi-hat, Mary’s beaten uneven beat (9)21 In trouble, on digging into posh spread (7, three words)22 After dessert, king’s

Highlighted Restaurant of the month from The Luxury Restaurant Guide

Moncks lies in the beating heart of Mayfair and its myriad of art galleries, high-fashion and businesses. Explore a small part of Mayfair’s history. The idea behind Moncks of Dover St is simple, to create a great neighbourhood restaurant and bar in the heart of one of the world’s most prestigious locales. It serves time-honoured classic dishes using the finest produce, so that something seemingly simple is satisfying and delicious. Spectator Members offer : Members and their guests receive a complimentary Butler’s Tipple signature cocktail on arrival, when ordering a minimum two courses per person. Offer valid : For lunch and dinner from midday to 10pm Simply click here to be

Coffee House Shots Live: Budget Special

Wednesday 11 March 2020 | 7 p.m. | £25 for subscribersEmmanuel Centre, 9-23 Marsham Street, London SW1P 3DW Budget 2020:What will Chancellor Rishi Sunak’s first Budget tell us about the future of this government – and the direction of conservatism? Join The Spectator’s Fraser Nelson, James Forsyth and Katy Balls, and Rachel Woolf, co-author of the Conservative party manifesto for the 2019 election, as they discuss the Budget just hours after it’s announced. We’re pleased to offer a special subscriber discount, saving you £10 off the ticket price. Recent events have sold out, so do book now to avoid disappointment.

An evening with Prue Leith

Tuesday 24 March 2020 | 7 p.m. | £25 for subscribersEmmanuel Centre, 9-23 Marsham Street, London SW1P 3DW Join renowned chef and Great British Bake Off judge Prue Leith as she chats about her career in food with her niece, pastry chef Peta Leith, and her nephew Sam Leith, The Spectator’s literary editor. We’re pleased to offer a special subscriber discount, saving you £10 off the ticket price. Recent events have sold out, so do book now to avoid disappointment.

No. 592

Black to play, Kateryna Lagno–Ju Wenjun, February 2020. Material is approximately balanced, but White’s king is in serious danger. What was Ju’s next move, which prompted immediate resignation? Answers should be sent to ‘Chess’ at The Spectator by Tuesday 25 February 2020 or via email to victoria@spectator.co.uk. There is a prize of £20 for the first correct answer that is pulled out of a hat. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 Ra5! (idea 1…Nxa5 2 Rc8+). Black tried 1…Qg4+ but resigned after 2 Kf1 Nd8 3 Ra8Last week’s winner Roderick Adams, Midlothian

Beasts of the board

The Dutch artist Theo Jansen has a unique speciality. His ‘Strandbeest’ (beach animals) are kinetic sculptures, which he likes to set free upon a windswept beach. Fashioned from plastic tubes, bottles and the like, these imposing skeletons appear to ‘walk’ along the seafront with a gait at once laboured and graceful: a compelling synthesis of engineering and art.  When I first watched this magnificent spectacle on YouTube, I was immediately reminded of the cold, gusty walks along the beach at Wijk aan Zee, the town in Holland where the annual Tata Steel tournament is held. (Curiously, Jansen hails from Scheveningen, a seaside resort which lends its name to a variation