Dear Mary…
Q. Our 15-year-old daughter was invited as a guest to accompany a schoolfriend on holiday with her friend’s father and stepmother (whom we have not met) as the elder sister did not wish to go. In a telephone conversation to discuss possible dates that would not conflict with our own family holiday, my wife offered to contribute towards the cost of the holiday, suggesting that we pay the airfare, as we have for our son when he has been invited to stay with friends abroad. Out of the blue we received a letter two months later informing us that they were booked into a five-star hotel for two weeks in Italy and that the exact cost of our daughter’s holiday was in excess of £2,000. There were protestations that the father would be happy to pay for the entire holiday, as he was not taking his elder daughter. What should we have done? We reluctantly sent a polite letter with a cheque for the full amount, which has since been paid in but not even acknowledged.
H.T., London NW1
A. On holidays like this the host parent normally pays for accommodation and food, while the guest parent offers to pay for travel and extras such as water-skiing lessons. But the scenario you describe is a classic new-money muddle. Your host’s protestations were almost certainly sincere. He actually wanted to pay the full cost of your daughter’s holiday 1. to suck up to his daughter out of guilt at being divorced 2. out of guilt that his elder daughter clearly did not wish to share a holiday with the stepmother, thus leaving the younger without a companion 3. out of a pure display of wealth.
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