Dear Mary…
Several friends living overseas have indicated that they will be coming to England this summer and that they would like to pay us a visit. However, since seeing them last, these friends have produced a number of infants and they seem to labour under the delusion that I am more interested in seeing the children than their parents. The truth is I can tolerate the company of children under five for a maximum of 20 minutes. How do I tell these proud parents that I am looking forward to seeing them, but without offspring? Naturally I do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
L.B., via email
A. You clearly have no children. If you had, you would be aware that, when trying to socialise, parents can tolerate the company of their own under-fives for a maximum of 20 minutes. Far from being offended, your friends would be totally thrilled were you to suggest hiring some reputable hands to look after the smaller people chez vous, while you and they hit the town.
Q. My husband and I are victims of a crazed genealogist. This woman, a very distant cousin, was given my husband’s name, claimed him as a relation and, entranced with her discovery of relations in the Antipodes, has bombarded us with endless lengthy and excessively boring emails — for instance, the cousin who owned a hat factory in Aylesbury in 1845 and similar irresistible facts. No detail is left unexplored; she records all with a horrible dedication. She has now gone so far as to demand that I (no relation) correspond with her about our interesting childhoods. My husband replied to her only once, a cool, polite thanks. Since then he has ignored her. She, however, is not to be deterred.
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