Mary Killen Mary Killen

Your problems solved | 28 February 2004

Etiquette advice from The Spectator's Miss Manners

issue 28 February 2004

Dear Mary…

Q. I have three bolshie children and at this time of year I like to start writing dates in the diary for the summer holidays, since I know that without a carefully pre-arranged schedule the children will start making inconvenient arrangements of their own. However, my problem is that for the last two years we have rented a house in Cornwall with another family. They have made no mention this year of repeating the experience and, although we like them very much, neither have we, for fear of being pushy and turning the thing into an inextricable annual arrangement.

I am now paralysed, not knowing whether to wait for them to suggest it or go ahead with

independent arrangements. What shall I do?
Name and address withheld

A. You should make independent plans this summer, then ring your friends to make the cheerful announcement that you were panicked into making a booking but, next year, if they felt like joining you, would they let you know in February so you can all join up again together in 2005? Once the threat of permanent fixture has been removed, you will find your two families can once again respond to each other in a spontaneous manner.

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