Dear Mary…
Q. Living as we do far from the motherland, a particular problem arises with what are best described as ‘professional Englishmen’. These men, of often dubious past, make a living out of pretending to be ‘top-drawer’ English. They sport an old school tie and the appropriate accent and wind up being appointed to company boards and invited to the best parties. The recent cost-of-living increases in central London have meant that their arrivals on our shores have reached plague proportions. I myself was recently fooled into inviting one of the ersatz gentlemen to my own dinner table with disastrous results which need not concern your readers. Mary, please help. Surely in the use of cutlery or the choice of footwear there lies a quick and reliable way of telling the fakes from the real top-drawer?
A.W., Adelaide, South Australia
A. One sure method of detecting impostors is to see whether their behaviour corresponds closely to toffs as depicted on screen. If it does, then you can be sure they are not the real thing. Where the authentic portrayal of top-drawer is concerned, the camera has rarely been known to get it right — not even in the carefully researched Gosford Park.
Q. I am going to stay with smart friends in Austria this summer. I normally bring luxury handmade chocolates or books to people with whom I stay, but this schloss has an in-house cook creating handmade chocolates while my hostess runs a bookshop herself. I hate waste and would want to give something my hosts could not conceivably already have, so what do you recommend as a house-present, Mary?
S.G., London W6
A. A most welcome present in any summer household would be one or more of the electronic insect-killing tennis rackets available from the Presents for Men website.
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