Mary Killen Mary Killen

Your Problems Solved | 26 February 2005

Etiquette advice from The Spectator's Miss Manners

issue 26 February 2005

Dear Mary…

Q. My daughter, aged 19, is proposing to take out a student loan in order to have her teeth whitened. It is not the borrowing of money I object to so much as the fact that her own teeth are not in any way discoloured. Please help quickly, Mary, as I am certain her natural look really could not be bettered.
E.O., London SW18

A. Since ‘Frankenteeth’, as they might be dubbed, look Tippex-white under strobe lighting, ask your daughter to attend a few discos and spot the flashers before she goes ahead. Like toupees being blown off in the wind, bleached teeth can cause great embarrassment when they are unmasked as artifice. Even in daylight hours the most expensively whitened teeth can jar in a face. Clearly Nature knew what she was doing when she selected natural tooth colourways.

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