Q. Being professionals in trade, we find ourselves increasingly being asked by friends, who could well afford to use our services, how to achieve certain things. They know we depend on these skills — which have taken years to learn and perfect — for our livelihood. What do you suggest is the best way to put them in their place and, without being overtly rude, avoid these situations?
— Name and address withheld
A. Try something along these lines. Wearing an affectionate smile, respond to their opening gambit of ‘Can I pick your brains…?’ by saying: ‘That should be the title of my autobiography! Do you know, you’re the third friend to ask me that today? And I’ve already said to the other two, “I’d love you to, but then I’d have to help all my friends for free and I’d get into trouble with paying clients. But if you’d like, make an appointment and come into the office. We can give you mates’ rates.”’
Q. I am a freelancer working in the creative ‘industries’ as they’re styled nowadays. At least half of the agents, promoters, producers etc. I try to contact refuse to reply to emails or return phone calls. I’m not alone in this: many of my colleagues are being ignored. Should I continue to pester these recalcitrants or simply give up?
— N.M., London SW1
A. You should persevere but do so using more imaginative tactics. First, don’t take the discourtesy personally or let it undermine you. Those in positions of patronage are generally overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of overtures they receive. Consequently the chore of filtering is given to those lower down in the hierarchy who will block advances from potentially more talented petitioners. While it’s key to get your foot in the door, internships are only available to the children of friends, and tea ladies and secretaries are anachronisms.
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