Your Problems Solved | 20 September 2003

Dear Mary…

Q. While staying in Provence recently, as the guest of some friends from Suffolk, my host, albeit an Englishman to his core, appeared every evening in a different pair of monogrammed velvet slippers (stags rampant on coronets, HS entwined with stags rampant, etc., etc.). Knowing that his wife (who, incidentally, is a very close friend of mine and was away in New York at the time) does not allow him to wear his monogrammed velvet slipper collection outside Suffolk environs, and certainly not out of the shooting season, I found myself somewhat forced to comment on this fact. I subsequently told his wife, who was quite apoplectic with rage at her husband’s excess of bad taste. How can I ease my way around this marital tiff and ensure my place on their guest list next summer?
J.M., Wootton Rivers, Wiltshire

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Ameer Kotecha

Lindt has cheapened itself

A. The wife is right. Not only is it a major solecism to wear initialled slippers in hot weather, it is also inappropriate to wear them ‘on the Continent’. You may have alienated the husband, but the wife is usually the dominant authority in arranging who comes to stay. You need not worry. Seeing you as an ally, she will be keener than ever to have you next summer.

Q. Can you define the space that my theatre ticket reserves for my personal use? I’d say that it extends from the back of the seat in front to the back of my own seat in one direction, and to half of the arm-rest in the other. If the auditorium rises in steps, the level defines one’s space. Am I right? If so, am I also right to resent the way in which some women wriggle out of their coats after sitting down and throw them over both arm-rests and over the back of the seat so that a part hangs down into what I regard as the territory of the person behind? And, if you agree that this amounts to invasion of territory, what can be done about it?
K.N.,