Dear Mary…
Q. What would be a fitting response to the extremely patronising remark ‘My goodness, you’ve got him well trained!’ This whenever my husband serves, clears (and has often prepared) a dinner party. Such behaviour is still obviously unacceptable to the majority of guests, even in these enlightened times, and among forty-somethings. I am normally left speechless. Please help.
Name and address withheld
A. Why not reply, ‘On the contrary. He’s got me well trained into just standing back and letting him do everything. Didn’t you know that housework is the new leisure activity of choice? It’s so soothing compared to real life.’
Q. The other night I was rounded on at a dinner party by a shrill female television producer who said I shouldn’t have jumped the queue by going privately for a small operation I have just had. At the time I couldn’t quite articulate my justification for going private, other than a selfish wish to bring my discomfort to a close as quickly as possible. If I had had my full wits about me and been feeling more physically robust, how could I have best defended myself, Mary?
L.J., Andover, Hampshire
A. There is no point in rehearsing the old arguments about how you are paying a voluntary extra tax, or how you are lightening the NHS burden by passing up the chance to exploit our rights to free treatment. It is better simply to say, ‘I’m sorry. I know you must feel bitter. I know it is very galling for people who can’t afford to have private treatment to see others being able to pay for it. But I’m afraid I have taken the Diane Abbott view. It’s indefensible but I still did it — because I wanted to.
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