Dear Mary…
From the Rt Hon. Michael Howard, QC, MP
Q. A friend of mine was walking up St James’s recently behind a girl with a stunning figure. Admiring her form, he happened to notice, somewhat to his alarm, that her tightly fitting trousers were slowly beginning to split. If he speeded up his steps and tapped her on the shoulder to tell her, she might have assumed that it was an advance and delivered a resounding slap. If he slowed down his steps or crossed to the other side of the road, he was leaving her to face embarrassment in a shop or her place of work. What was his best course of action in this delicate situation?
A. It would have been considerate for your friend to quicken his pace so as to overtake the girl. Passing her without breaking step, he could have said cheerily, ‘Bad luck. You’ve picked up some wet paint on your trousers.’ This remark would have been sufficient for her to find full mirror access to her own back view, at which point she would have seen the real problem. By this time, your friend would have been out of embarrassment range.
From Sean Rafferty, Broadcasting House, London, W1
Q. On an outing from Broadcasting House, In Tune, the show on Radio Three that I present each evening, exchanged the stygian gloom of its basement studio for the gilded splendour of Buckingham Palace. Naturally, the team looked resplendent and behaved impeccably, but I feel that I may have made something of a faux pas. We were celebrating the restoration of the organ with a live broadcast from the ballroom. While one of the royal household was describing one of the gifts Her Majesty had been given (a particularly hideous metal and Limoges wine-cooler in the shape of an insect, given by President Mitterrand) a large gentleman crashed on to the floor in front of us.
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