Dear Mary…
Q. Last week I had dinner in a restaurant with some old friends whose number included a woman we all like a lot with her new (younger) boyfriend. The latter responded to every question about himself and his work as though he was his own public-relations officer. Everything was going very well, everyone rated him very highly, all his projects were extremely successful (he is in the film business) – it was most off-putting. The man was not even American. How can we honestly respond when she asks for our opinion of him? (She had been on the shelf for some time and we do not wish to be discouraging.)
Name and address withheld
A. Time was when lack of modesty in an Englishman was a fail-safe yardstick for judging. Cultural changes have rendered this method obsolete. Viral marketing, the successful Internet means of creating a ‘buzz’, has forced even the most naturally self-deprecating of men into boastfulness in normal conversation as a necessary part of their work. Tell your friend you are really looking forward to meeting the boyfriend again as ‘now we have got over the obstacle of talking about what he does for a living, we can really start to get to know him’.
Q. Two weeks ago I sent a thank-you letter to friends following a delightful week as their guest in Scotland. However, in haste I addressed the envelope incorrectly. Imagine my surprise this morning to receive a letter from the unexpected recipient of my original letter, who had opened the incorrectly addressed envelope to identify me, and returned my original with a note expressing apologies for the intrusion and the hope that I could now resend it to the correct address. As you can imagine, I am deeply grateful for this shining example of thoughtfulness.
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