Q. My very nice Polish cleaner wants my husband and I [sic] to come to her house for dinner one evening and, to be brutally frank, we don’t want to. Her English is very limited, my Polish non-existent, and I think it would be a night of sheer hell for all of us. Please can you come up with a cast-iron permanent excuse? At the moment I have told her that my husband is unwell, but he can’t be sick for ever.
A.J., London W5
A. You have missed the point. What could be better than to go to someone’s house and be served with a free, probably delicious, dinner and not have to sing for your supper? Once it has been pointed out to your husband that, unlike at a conventional dinner party, he will not have to ‘make conversation’ — because it will be impossible — but can sit back comfortably and gorge himself (though he should resist the temptation to bring a book) he should jump at the chance. What is more, your cleaner may turn out to be a brilliant cook whose services you can engage when next giving a dinner party yourselves. It would be ungracious, stand-offish and foolish of you not to accept her kind invitation.
Q. We need your sage advice. How do you deal with lifelong and beloved friends who come to stay, much to our joy and entertainment, but will insist on bringing their dogs? There is always a faint suggestion at dinner that the dogs will sleep in their car. This never happens and consequently our dogs are deeply upset and canine war ensues. Also the kitchen floor the next morning is not a pretty sight when trying to negotiate a dry path to the Aga to boil one’s egg.
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