Does Google know me better than I know myself?

My research assistant, John Steele, is also a songwriter. A friend emailed him with the lyrics of a Fleetwood Mac number. These days Google often appends emails with a shortcut to save you typing your own answer by suggesting one or two likely responses. In the Fleetwood Mac lyric a former lover wonders whether her ex can see her reflection in the snow-covered hills. Google’s suggestion was ‘No’.

Musicians have pondered some of life’s most profound questions, so John and I tried posing a few in emails, to see Google’s suggested response. Some were hilarious. If only David Bowie were here to know that ‘Yes!’, there is life on Mars. To Freddie Mercury’s ‘Is this the real life?’ the suggested answer is ‘Yes’. Mind you, to his question ‘Is this just fantasy?’ the answer is ‘Yes’ too. And to Patti Page, who wonders how much is that doggie in the window, I must reply ‘I’m not sure’.

‘Should I stay or should I go? asks Joe Strummer. ‘You can go.’ And if Elton asks whether I can feel the love tonight, my recommended response is ‘Sure, what time?’ Google knows me better than I know myself, so when Bryan Adams asks if I ever really loved a woman, I’m discreetly prompted with ‘Not really’.

I prefer to see life as erratic and undeterminable, but Google finds the answers surprisingly predictable. ‘What’s going on?’ asks Marvin Gaye. ‘Nothing,’ I reply. And again to Stevie Nicks — What is love? ‘Nothing.’ ‘Who is Sylvia, what is she?’ — Google wants me to reply to Franz Schubert: ‘Who are you?’ ‘Is it getting better, or do you feel the same?’ — ‘A little better’, thanks Bono. ‘Why do the birds go on singing?’ ‘Why not?’ — Skeeter Davis, why ever bloody not, I mock.