Writing a will isn’t easy

It’s generally considered sensible for adults of sound mind to make a will. Many don’t bother. It’s a nuisance. They’ve scribbled their straightforward wishes in a letter at home. They think they’re too young. They’ve told a confidant their final wishes. Or they believe they have nothing to leave, or make assumptions about who’ll automatically inherit their estate, rendering a will unnecessary.

The topic of making a will is sometimes taboo. But given humans’ mortality, even those with modest means and no family would be wise to write a will, if only to take control of what will become of their physical body or of where particular treasured possessions should go. On the other hand, someone with significant assets might explain in their will why they’re excluding a person who might otherwise reasonably expect a seat at the eventual legacy table.

When the will-making task has been conquered, many people breathe a sigh of relief and don’t give it another thought for perhaps several years, if ever again. But circumstances sometimes change. Affections may change. Those whom we had regarded as the bedrock of our lives might unexpectedly disappoint us. Some people remarry, which cancels a previous will. Changing circumstances often call for a will to be rewritten or at least for a codicil to be attached.

As one ages, however, one might sense expectant legatees showing subtle signs of losing patience. I’ve heard of aged people who live alone, both with and without children, voice frustration at being made to feel they’re selfishly hanging on in there.

I recently heard a young woman pushing a pram declare that ‘old people should just die as they’ve had their lives’. A tremor shot through me as I contemplated whether this is a popular opinion – that the older generation is a burden on society. That would be a gloomy outlook given that many older people treasure the company of youngsters – they are generally more than willing to help their children and grandchildren practically and/or financially. And, rather than burdening society, the number of people now working well into their seventies is far greater than a decade ago.

There are those who become victim to advantage-taking. A very small minority of those with power of attorney have been known to help themselves to their charge’s cash. Phone and online scams – including fraudsters pretending to be from government bodies, banks, or large online retailers – reap their spoils with brazen wickedness. 

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Then there’s old-fashioned hoodwinking. Some time ago, an elderly lady with poor eyesight was duped by a young relative into signing six cheques, each for a quarter of a million pounds, that he had written from her chequebook. One cheque was addressed to the young relative himself, and the others to his five relations. It transpired that the lady neither realised nor intended to give the enormous sums she had been deceived into signing away. Luckily, crooked roads are sometimes made straight; in this case, through legal channels, the lady eventually received significant reimbursement. 

Another worry is that kind deeds may be suspected to mask devious intent. Many people care for others out of genuine concern for their welfare, not out of any ulterior motive. Multitudes of laudable volunteers expect nothing in return, especially not to be included in a person’s will. It can be deflating, if not hurtful, to be made to feel that helping someone can’t possibly be out of genuine human kindness. I have heard people lament the cynical reactions of those whom they have helped. As Shakespeare said, ‘Thou art not so unkind as man’s ingratitude’.

When the time has come for a person’s estate to be administered, I’ve heard tales of searing anger borne of the dashed hopes of disappointed expectant legatees. And the resulting animosity towards an actual beneficiary may rupture a previously undamaged relationship. Some people, brimming with fury and bitterness at being excluded from a will, hold the beneficiary responsible, regardless of the testator’s last wishes. Some take legal advice and go to exhausting, expensive lengths to fight – not always successfully – for what they regard as their share of the legacy pie. 

There are of course cases of wills successfully being challenged but they are usually sacrosanct. It’s not easy to convince a court to deviate from someone’s written last wishes. As Alexander Pope wrote, ‘blessed is he who expects nothing for he shall never be disappointed’.