Why do people make excuses for surly staff?

‘You grab that table, I’ll get the drinks.’ I did as bid. A couple of minutes later, Paul was back, beers in hand, and we started chatting. Soon the member of staff who’d served him appeared. She was stony-faced and holding a card machine. ‘You didn’t pay,’ she said.

Paul looked confused for a second, then glanced down at the machine. ‘Oh, it didn’t go through?’ The staff member shook her head. Paul held out his card, she punched the numbers again, we all waited for the beep. Then she handed him his receipt and left.

‘Service with a smile,’ I said. He laughed. And then, a second or two later: ‘Oh well, I guess she’s having a bad day.’

I didn’t say anything – this was the first time I’d met Paul, we were here to talk about something else and I didn’t want to get distracted. But what I felt like saying was: ‘It doesn’t matter if she’s having a bad day – it’s a basic part of her job to be able to ignore that when she’s dealing with customers, and treat them politely.’

Why do so many people make apologies for the bad service they’ve just received? I first noticed it years ago, queuing at the issue desk in a library. The woman in front of me was given the books she’d ordered, and noticed that one was missing. She asked about it. ‘It’s unavailable,’ replied the librarian, neither looking up from his desk nor offering an explanation.

The woman faltered for a second, clearly wondering whether to enquire why the book was unavailable, or whether it would become available at some point in the future. Deciding against it, she turned to leave. ‘That was friendly,’ I said as she caught my eye. But instead of accepting my commiseration, she had a go at me.