Why are pagans so annoying?

I’ve never been keen on pagans. They strike me as attention seekers with no actual merits to boast of except saying that they don’t believe in organised religion – something most of us got over at 15.

Claiming to be a pagan is also a way of hinting that you’re having better sex than everybody else, whereas the reality is rather like that of those alleged ‘witches’ who oft appeared in the News of the World when I was a child. Middle-aged suburban swingers sporting pendulous breasts and maternal thighs, posing coyly inside a pentagram – and the women were just as bad.

Still, a vote’s a vote, and the state the Scottish Nationals are in, they’d do best to court all comers, no matter how much of a minority. The SNP minister for equalities, migration and refugees, Emma Roddick (she/her – of course), recently wished ‘Scotland’s pagan community’ a ‘very happy Winter Solstice’ on the Scottish government’s ‘social justice’ Twitter/X account.