I have never been to the island of Guernsey. This is a large world and we have a finite amount of time on it and must make our decisions about where we visit based on necessarily limited information. We cannot know everything. I have never been to Japan, for example, because I do not wish to be crushed to death by a mass of jabbering humanity, nor take part in unpleasant sadomasochistic sex acts, nor watch people disembowelling themselves in order to affirm their masculinity. I realise that this is not all that Japan has to offer. There is also sushi, for example, and buttock-clenched politeness. I could get both of those things in Harrogate. So that’s Japan off my itinerary.
As far as Guernsey is concerned I have no interest in visiting somewhere which is not quite France and I am also suspicious of their bland and vapid cows. If I wished to look at cows I would rather that they were palpably decent Friesians, or perhaps those shaggy dark-brown lowering creatures the Scots find so alluring.
And yet a recent news story has made me wish to visit Guernsey immediately, because of what the schools there are getting up to.
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