At last month’s Bafta ceremony, David Tennant attempted to make a joke about the state of Donald Trump’s hair, but it barely raised a chuckle. Not surprising, perhaps, when you consider the dramatic vibe-shift sweeping the western world. In a desperate attempt to stay relevant many on the progressive left are suddenly choosing to distance themselves from the luxury beliefs they once held as sacrosanct. But this has led to confusion, especially when it comes to comedy. For progressives, laughing at the right jokes became an indicator of moral virtue and political allegiance, so it was highly amusing to see all those nervous thesps wondering which segments of the ceremony they should be finding funny.
It must be jolly confusing for the poor loves to be suddenly cast as yesterday’s men/women/non-binaries having occupied the cultural driving seat for so long. Tennant’s lame attempt at humour reveals just how impervious some still are to the paradigm shift. Jokes about Trump’s hair? Really, is that all you’ve got? Weren’t you calling him Hitler before the election?
Trump’s hairstyle has been the butt of jokes ever since he started making waves back in the 1990s. Indeed, it was the waviness of his hair that first caught people’s attention. That nest of spun gold perched atop his burnished noggin was like nothing anyone had ever seen before. Back then it caused intrigue rather than hilarity. It didn’t resemble a traditional single-storey comb-over; more a complex, multi-layered, multi-directional illusion of hirsuteness.
At first glance the hair appears to be travelling in two directions at once. The confident ‘nothing to see here’ forward flourish suddenly loops back into a seagull’s wing-like quiff. At each side gelled fences contain the cacophony above. Compared with some of the US President’s more shoddily constructed casinos this meticulously manicured thatch felt like a remarkable feat of engineering.
Haters have always equated the quaffed rigidity of Trump’s ’do with his alleged narcissism. But the President has never really taken his looks or indeed himself that seriously, which is surely the antithesis of vanity. At a recent Pennsylvania rally for instance Trump catches sight of himself in one of the giant viewing screens and starts examining the intricacies of his barnet. Peering incredulously beneath the seagull’s wing he turns to the crowd and declares: ‘I don’t love it, but what the hell can you do? There’s nothing I can do about it, right? We’re stuck with it.’ If only more of us could admit to our own innate ridiculousness.
Back in 2011, at a Comedy Central Roast, Trump asked the audience: ‘What’s the difference between a wet raccoon and Donald J. Trump’s hair? The wet raccoon doesn’t have seven billion fucking dollars in the bank.’ Well, in truth neither does his hair, but you get the gist. The way I see it, Trump’s boastfulness is often a form of self-deprecation.
After he was first elected president we entered the hysterical ‘orange man bad’ era, but rather than explaining why orange man was so bad, comedians and politicians focused almost entirely on his physical appearance. By now everyone assumed his hair was a poorly fitted toupee and therefore deserving of ridicule, but then photos of a windswept President began to emerge. In one shot the elegant seagull wing appears to be taking flight while remaining firmly anchored to his head. In another his hair is neatly slicked back without a hint of a join – he actually looks rather dashing.
During a Global News interview Trump even allows the female anchor to cop a feel. As she tentatively tugs at the famous forelock she seems genuinely impressed. A delighted Trump announces: ‘I actually have a hairline.’ For all his many flaws the 30-second clip shows the President at his most adorable.
Perhaps we should thank David Tennant for resurrecting the lame ‘Trump has stupid hair’ joke because it reminds us that anyone who mocks their enemy’s immutable characteristics is all out of ideas. What may have been funny 20 years ago has worn as thin as Joe Biden’s own barnet. Incidentally when I dared to mock Biden’s absurd transplant some time ago my leftist friends accused me of wallowing in triviality.
And yes, before you ask, I am fully aware that this article attempts to use Trump’s hair for comic effect – so I guess the joke’s really on me.
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